Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones: C+

Just in case you really are from a galaxy far far away, Episode II continues the space saga of Star Wars prequels with a love story between a knight-in-training and a powerful politician, the revelation of more duplicitous deeds by the thralls of Chancellor Palpatine and lots of computer animation.

Ok, lets get the obvious complaint out of the way first: the cheesy love story. It doesn't work in this movie for several reasons: it dominates too much of the movie, Hayden Christensen is way too uninterestingly pouty and the lame dialogue fails to catalyze any sparks between him and Natalie Portman. Hey, it's not like a love story can't work in the Star Wars universe. Han Solo and Princess Leia did it wonderfully in The Empire Strikes Back. Their story was tight, taking little away from the action of the movie, and built steadily with the help of the charisma of Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. The fact that The Empire Strikes Back was NOT written by George Lucas may be a bit of a help too.

Now let's talk about some reasons why I didn't like the flick as much as I was supposed to. For the most part, I hate computer animation in movies. When one sees films like Episode II one tends to think to oneself whoa, that computer animation was pretty cool, rather than whoa, that was pretty cool. The use of computers is only beneficial when it's not noticeable. Lucas blatantly wants us to notice the fun he's having with artificial landscapes, battles and even characters. The fake objects, although rendered well, look incredibly fake (especially the objects meant to play living things - the clone troopers, Yoda, etc.). A little subtlety would be much more appropriate especially for the ridiculous indoor vistas. Many looked like they belonged more in the cinematic sequence of a video game.

The fantastic setting established very nicely in the first three films has completely vanished here. Keep in mind that the setting from the very start has been: "A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away." Notice things like a football video game at the bar, an alien in a diner apron who talks like that guy from the TV show "Alice," a cruiser that's supposed to look like a 60's convertible and the futuristic cyberpunk-influenced downtown of Coruscant. The Star Wars universe has nothing to do with Earth, its sports, its eating establishments, its means of transportation or its bleak future. George Lucas's original minimalist sets and characters made for a pretty exciting setting the first time he did it. A great element originally established with Star Wars is the fact that it was more fantastic than science fiction and it was unlike anything on this planet.

Oh, and the lightsaber scene was the lamest of all.

Whew! I'm glad all that griping is finally out of my system, because there were actually a lot of things I liked about the movie (but the sum of the parts still didn't outweigh my complaints).

By the end, I was genuinely surprised at how complicated the plot has gotten. Sure, it's not The Usual Suspects or anything, but it's far from the straightforward good vs. evil of the first Star Wars films. The clones played a very different role than I had thought before seeing this flick. The half-truths used by Count Dooku and the forces of good Jedi slowly loosing the force made the dark side especially intriguing and sinister.

Although as a whole Hayden Christensen didn't do all that fabulously, I really enjoyed the brooding scene with him on the speeder at dusk on Tatooine. Usually I hate Tatooine and use it as another reason why Empire is the best of the bunch (that movie is the only Star Wars movie to NOT have Tatooine), but the moody dusk lighting with no dialogue and creepy music and young Hayden's face made for some pretty cool dark side drama.

I liked the weird, unexplored planets introduced in the movie. It brought to the movie a touch of something you might find in a weekly science-fiction serial that I think Lucas was originally going for.

Finally, I'd like to admit that I liked it when a good chunk of Natalie Portman's clothing was ripped off her while she was battling the beasts in the arena.

The surprises kept the film going, but all in all, Episode II was a pretty fun ride, but the décor didn't add all that much to the actual thrill.

Now we only have to look forward to Episode III. I have plenty to say about that one as well.

Click here for a special ultra-nerd report of what will happen in Episode III.