the two thousand five hundred and fourteen dollar man

This page was last updated on Monday, 28 June, 2004

features

the two thousand five hundred and fourteen dollar man

home

spirits and hypocrisy

Click here to see VIDEO of my lasik surgery!

It's been about a month since my lasik and I see just fine. That's the gist of it anyway.

I went in on May 21. It really helped that the nurse helping out was the curly-haired gorgeous blonde that was there the first time I went in. She offered a little plush bunny for me to hold during the procedure, which I gladly accepted.

flashback:

12 June 2003

My insides are still going up and down from the swells of today. I attempted to learn how to surf. I got a couple of good stands in. I mostly went shallow on account of my not really knowing how to swim. I also bought some skates. Yes, skates. So I'm even gayer now.

The worst part of it was the Clockwork Orange hook-mechanism that held my eyes open. They pinched a little. My eyes, however, were numb enough for the good Dr. Ellsworth to draw on without me flinching. It's quite strange for someone to just draw stuff on your eyeball and not care that much about it.

I had a harder time with the left eye and I'm not sure why. All I know is that I kind of freaked out and made myself look like a total wuss in front of Blondie.

Walking out of O.R., I could see about as well as I usually could - horribly. Thoughts went through my head about how maybe this whole laser thing could be a really MASSIVE scam. It seemed unlikely, all I knew is that I couldn't see... yet.

I went home, lied down and listened to some jazz. Within a couple of hours, I could see well enough to function. My vision improved twice as much the next day and twice as much again the day after that. For the first week I had to put drops in every couple of hours. The drops felt sort of like the kind of contact lens fluid that has the red cap (for those of you who don't know, the red cap signifies incredible eye pain if you accidentally put some in your eye).

Right now, my eyes get tired at night and I stick artificial tears in there a couple of times a day. I guess they said that my tear ducts would temporarily go out of commission after the treatment. I don't know if they work again. I rented Hannah and her Sisters, but it didn't make me cry this time. I'll rent something else emotional later.

Actually, the after-effects weren't nearly as bad as I anticipated. When my buddy Pete did it, his eyes were very uncomfortable for months afterward. I was pretty comfortable within a couple of days. The coolest after-effects were the weird bruises that appeared on my eyes after they put the surgical suction cups to them.

The weirdest thing is, I sometimes forget that I had the surgery. I don't go around looking at everything thinking it's a miracle I can see. I always could see. Things don't look different. Now I just forget I'm not actually wearing anything to see.

The biggest differences, of course are in the morning and at night. I wake up and my eyes are tired, but I can see. At night, I'm tired, but I just go to bed instead of taking out my contacts. Now, before I go to sleep i look at the clouds out the window if they're there. Last weekend I went to Moab and slept under the stars and for the first time actually saw them when I went to sleep. A week earlier I actually had fun at a pool, because I could actually see the bodies around me. The concept of sight really is awesome when you get moments to appreciate it.

I suppose the worst thing about being able to see is the fact that I have perfect vision in the shower. For 20 years I didn't look at my naked body when I showered, now I have too. I feel sort of self-perverted.

Anyway, get lasik done with my guy. He's really good. I get 50 bucks for referring you.

(18jun04)

related:
the six dollar man