| 36. The Alamo |
This movie was released at the tail
end of last year in hopes of garnering some Oscar nominations (*snicker*).
The film is a tired tale relying on tired old-war movie cliches.
Sometimes, however, they abandoned many cliches right when they
might have worked. |
| 35. King Arthur |
Dull as dirt. Apparently they attempted
to make this thing into a gritty historical re-telling while also
making it a summer blockbuster. Trying to accomplish both means
you can't do either. They put in things like a character named Merlin
who doesn't do any magic. Worst of both worlds. |
| 34. Little Black
Book |
The girls I went with
really liked this movie and how it was so true-to-life in girl/guy
relationships. I saw it and just thought that Brittany Murphy was
a complete psychopath and anybody who somehow relates to her is
the same. |
| 33. Van Helsing |
I'd dismiss the movie completely
if it weren't packed with vampires. The characters did too many
Tarzan swings and officially passed beyond summer blockbuster fun
in this cgi nightmare. |
| 32. The Grudge |
It has an incredibly weak plot to
drive the scary sequences. Oh, and it's also not scary. |
| 31. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights |
A so-so story about a young American
girl in Havana who, through a series of life-changing experiences,
releases her inner-skank. I never saw the first Dirty Dancing
movie, so I was pretty lost through the whole thing. |
| 30. Phantom of the
Opera |
I kind of felt that
Phantom is too much of a period piece to make it as a mainstream
hit. It's period is way too late eighties. If they made the film
15 years ago I would have cared, but the silly songs have even too
much synth for me. |
| 29. Finding Neverland |
Pretty good presentation, but it
didn't have any effect on me emotionally at all. Maybe I'm insensitive
(because everybody I know who saw this felt that this movie was
an emotional powerhouse), but I thought the whole situation was
inappropriate even though nobody did anything bad. |
| 28. Friday Night Lights |
I love football movies but there
were two reasons why this movie had serious problems. One is my
biggest pet peeve of movies today, which is overuse of hand-held
cameras to make the movie more realistic. A movie is not more realistic
because it draws attention to the fact that there is a guy filming
it. Also, I never really felt that the team was really a good
team, let alone a team that deserved to make it to the Texas state
finals. |
| 27. Meet the Fockers |
Kind of funny, but reverted to gross
stuff too much. Also, the first one was so good because it focused
all the uncomfort on one person instead of everybody in the cast. |
| 26. Harold and Kumar Go to White
Castle |
Honestly, I shouldn't have watched
this, but I just wandered into the theater after seeing something
else. Lots of funny parts, but I felt really guilty afterwards. |
| 25. Jersey Girl |
Not nearly, nearly as biting as
Kevin Smith's other movies, but you gotta commend him for putting
his rep on the line with this family story. Also, I love the use
of the Cure song "High." |
| 24. Alien Vs. Predator |
Although there wasn't as much fighting
between the aliens and predators as I would have wanted, the main
predator did have quite an Oscar moment as he dropped his head in
despair while watching one human as she's forced to kill her love
interest to stop the alien investation. Yep, Oscar moment. There
was also a scene when it looked like the predator might kiss the
same human in a touching ritualistic predator bodily mutilation
program. |
| 23. I, Robot |
I think the movie addressed the
concept of artificial intelligence very well. It's always been something
that's fascinated me. Also Bridget Moynahan... mmmm.... |
| 22. 50 First Dates |
I realized my life sucks when I
found myself watching this movie with my roommate on Valentine's
Day. The movie had sweethearty parts, but not enough funny parts
(except when he jumped on the jet-ski). Hey, think about the ending,
though. Imagine how absolutely horrifying Drew Barrymore's character's
life is from day to day. |
| 21. Lemony Snicket's
A Series of Unfortunate Events |
Actually it was better
than I thought it would be. I just wish Jim Carrey would go back
to In Living Color. I also wish they'd put In Living Color
back on the air. |
| 20. Big Fish |
I agree with most people
about how it drags on and on, but the ending redeems some of the
reasons for the dragging. I saw this movie at Brewvies, so it helped
that I saw it during a meal. |
| 19. Win a Date With
Tad Hamilton! |
Topher Grace used to
be annoying to me, but now I relate to him a little. Also, this
has the most "aww shucks" endings of any romance I've
seen in a while (of course I usually steer clear of romantic movies). |
| 18. Anchorman: The
Legend of Ron Burgundy |
I laughed super hard
at some of the parts, but there is too much gap between these parts.
So it was funny, but for as funny as Will Ferrell actually is, he
should have been a lot funnier in his own pet project.
|
| 17. 13 Going on
30 |
Judy Greer was great,
and Jennifer Garner is nice, but not as nice as everyone thinks.
What's the deal with all the 1983 references for a girl who was
13 in 1987? It's very noticable. Anyway, I'm ranking this movie
pretty well, because even though it wasn't that great, the really
stupid teenage couple next to me in the showing I went to made fun
of it the whole time. The thing is, they didn't even make fun of
it intelligenly at all. They were really, really stupid. I'm putting
13 Going on 30 a good spot on the list to spite the stupid
kids sitting next to me. |
| 16. Shrek 2 |
First one is better.
My favorite part, though is when Shrek mistakes the hand bowl for
soup and then he sees Donkey embarrassed at Shrek while he dips
his hooves in his bowl. Okay, it doesn't sound funny, but it really
looks funny! |
| 15. Harry Potter
and the Prisoner of Azkaban |
It's about time Harry
Potter got interesting. Far out, a little justification to the hype!
I really like what the new director has done. Like my brother says,
now it seems like Hogwart's is a real physical place. |
| 14. Spider-Man 2 |
Pretty good. I fail
to see why everyone thinks it's the best superhero movie of all
time. That spot will always be held by X-Men 2. Also Spider-Man
villians are always so lame. The next Spider-Man movie must have
Venom or I'm no longer a comic book movie fan. |
| 13. The Best Two
Years |
Kirby Heybourne's accent
almost ruined this, but I think this movie contains my very favorite
first discussion caught on film. |
| 12. The Bourne Supremacy |
I loved the excitement
and the story. The movie could have been great. It could have gone
into the top five if it weren't for the stupid shaky hand-held cameras.
People always tell me that it's okay because the director did it
on purpose as a specific stylistic decision. Just because the director
wanted it that way, it doesn't mean it was the right decision. In
fact, since he was fully aware of his sin, he should be more accountable. |
| 11. Sky Captain
and the World of Tomorrow |
I have a big problem
with cgi elements in live-action movies, but I don't have a problem
with live-action within a cgi movie. I think it works. Also, I like
the retro-futuro aspect. By that I mean I think this is exactly
what kids in the twenties would have imagined the future of the
fifties to look like. I love looking toward the future from the
past. |
| 10. Troy |
Yes, it is surprising
that Troy made my top ten. Since they totally massacred the
actual Iliad storyline, you'd think I'd hate it. Thing is,
I've been waiting for an epic movie about the Trojan War to be made
since 5th grade. |
| 9. Dodgeball: A
True Underdog Story |
If I suddenly turned
gay, I'd probably write letters to Vince Vaughn. If you get the
Dodgeball dvd, check out the alternate ending. It's wicked
awesome. |
| 8. Saints and Soldiers |
Finally we've reached
a turning point in Mormon cinema, which is Mormon cinema that isn't
really about Mormons. Not only that, but it's a great war movie
shot low-budget that doesn't look like it. Actually it does, but
a lot less than what it cost. And you get another goofy Kirby Heybourne
accent. |
| 7. The Village |
Everybody hated this,
and it is probably the worst of Shyamalan's stuff, but I still loved
it. They made a mistake promoting it as a scary movie because it
wasn't. It was an interesting story, with an interesting setup,
with interesting characters though. I've heard the interpretation
(which I like) about the ethics of a government keeping a nation
in the dark about what dangers lie outside its borders. |
| 6. Hero |
You know what's better
about big budget Chinese action films over big budget American action
films? The Chinese films emphasize the fight choreography itself
while American films focus on shaky cameras FOR SOME STUPID REASON!
I also have a huge crush on Ziyi Zhang. |
| 5. Starsky and Hutch |
Out of all the movies
this year with Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller and Will Ferrell, I liked
this one the most. |
| 4. Napoleon Dynamite |
When I first saw this
I thought to myself that it was pretty fun, but that everyone I
know will hate it. For some reason everyone I know likes it more
than I do. Pay close attention. Sometimes Uncle Rico puts a little
French lilt when he says "Napoleo'n." |
| 3. The Incredibles |
Not only is it an awesome
kids movie, but it's a great comic book homage to the Fantastic
Four and Watchmen. |
| 2. Mean Girls |
My friend Charlotte
didn't like this movie because "it reminded her too much of
high school." It also re-establishes what Chris Rock said about
women: "Women would be running the world right now if they
weren't so busy hating each other. |
| 1. Kill Bill Vol.
2 |
The Kill Bill movies
were very significant for me. They were a complete emancipation
from all the action movies I hated. They emancipated me from shaky
camera syndrome. They emancipated me from characters I didn't care
about. They emancipated me from humorless scripts. They emancipated
me from soundtracks with no soul. All last year I didn't see one
other movie as delightful as this gore-fest. The blood and everything
else about this movie (and its predecessor) is simply beautiful. |
