behold... the windex!

hit CTRL+f to open the find box.

not really very much to talk about right now flashback: 9 November 1998 I was gonna chastise her for not coming to my party, but before i could she said it... "I'm engaged!" The blow wasn't as big a deal as I thought it would be. I suppose the pain is also similar to getting kicked in the groin -- it doesn't all come at once. We looked at her wedding book. She was looking for advice on colors for the reception and conception. I needed a reason to take my epistle about the election down. It's totally dated and irrelevant now. I don't think one person I voted for actually made it into office. Anyway, here's a photo from Halloween. As most people know, it's my favorite holiday ever and I always look forward to dressing up, but most of my friends are way too good to dress up. The other person with me is Charlotte. If you look really hard on the site, you'll find a few snippets of my strange devotion to her. If you can't tell, I dressed as the grim reaper and she dressed the way I've always wanted her to dress. Here's another picture. The girl on the right's name is Tessa. I'm putting the pic up for two reasons. Notice she's wearing an official rexbasior.com t-shirt. Also she sillily decided to hang out in New Mexico and not date my buddy Rhett and marry some other guy she's known for like a month. Sorry Rhett. I gave her the shirt. I don't know what else I could have done. For the past five years everyone close to me hasn't gotten married. Usually when people stop hanging around me they get hitched in no time. I think I might be like the fifth horseman of the Apocalypse. This is something old, but I think I'll put it here for public consumption right now. It's my bishop's mathematical formula for deciding on which girl to marry. Yeah, I think it's very confusing too. No wonder nobody's getting married. I'm not complaining. Halo 2 came out this past week. Fortunately it's a lot lamer than we all thought it would be. Perhaps I and my ilk will wind up with lives and wives after all. (12nov04)

election 2004 flashback: Halloween 2000 (tuesday) My favorite holiday was today. I went to school dressed as the angel with vampire teeth. Anyway, cold aside, I had a white sweater (from Sarah), a halo, wings and the great vamp teeth. Later I went to the Creamery to get candy and frosting. Charlotte Petersen was there which made me glad. I talk to her sometimes. I don't really care about very much. Usually what I truly care about is extremely insignificant in the long run. I hardly ever take major events such as presidential elections seriously. When tragedy strikes I wait impatiently for everyone to start having fun again. On September 11th, my line to all the girls I knew at the time was, "you know, with this changed state of newly dangerous world affairs it's only natural that our own moral restraints be significantly relaxed." So the presidential election is on Tuesday. I don't take it seriously. Whoever wins will just be another joke to me. However, while I'm here, I might as well give my own skewed perspective to this election. I got registered just in time, much to my mom's relief. She told me to make sure and register to vote because "this will be the most important election ever and maybe your vote would be the one to put Bush over the top." Of course I greatly let my mom down by telling her that with the electoral college firmly in place, my vote couldn't possibly win it for George and also that she was being a bit presumptuous to think that I was going to vote for him anyway. If you're registered to vote in the state of Utah, it's absolutely imperative that, regardless of your political stance, you DO NOT vote for George W. Bush. Even if you're the most conservative Republican in the state, you may actually do some good by not voting for Bush. I say this because for as long as I've been alive, Utah has consistently voted Republican for president. Despite whatever influence I can give to all 20 of you out there, George W. Bush WILL WIN Utah and its electoral votes. Since Utah's presidential stance is consistently inevitable, no presidential candidate cares about our pretty great state. As long as we're so completely true blue to the Republican Party, no candidate will ever care. To the Democrats we're lost causes and to the Republicans we're blind followers. Bruce Springsteen made me decide how important it is to shift the presidential numbers of Utah. This year, the election is noticeably hot because of the intense opinions musicians, actors and other celebrities have thrown into the mix. Since I've been alive, I've never seen such a movement to remove a president from office. I read in something like Entertainment Weekly that Springsteen was starting up a tour called the Vote For Change Tour. The Boss hired a bunch of other musicians including Ben Harper, Bonnie Raitt, Dave Matthews Band, Dixie Chicks, Jackson Browne, James Taylor, John Fogerty and John Mellencamp to accomplish one thing: the removal of the president. Their method was to continuously tour the 13 most prominent swing states singing and campaigning against Bush. Obviously Utah wasn't on the Vote For Change agenda. Sure it's fine now, but what about next time when some decent musicians want to do a little campaigning? In the meantime, no presidential candidate will ever pander to us at all. If we don't watch it, the government will make our elementary school kids have mandatory coffee and tea breaks (if I thought really hard, maybe I could think of a more fitting example). If, however, we push ourselves into becoming more of a swing state, not only will Bruce Springsteen come and visit, but we'll have people running for president who will be willing to offer federal grants toward home teaching in order to secure Utah's electors. Now the really good thing is that we don't even have to vote Democrat to turn the tide. I'm probably not going to vote for Kerry. I don't like the guy. Just like the Democrats to give us a flip-flopping shape-shifter they don't even want to be victorious. They threw us a guy who'll probably lose so that they can run Hillary in 2008 and win in a landslide. So cheap. If they got someone decent, I would love to start voting Democrat, but I can't now. Okay, back on subject. Did you know that both the Socialist Workers Party and the Personal Choice Party have females running for vice-president? It's true. I'm slightly partial to the Personal Choice choice, since they have such a great name. The party is named after my favorite justification for committing some of my favorite sins. Also, if I vote Socialist Worker I'll start getting the Daily Worker in the mail alongside some interesting Christmas cards from Castro. So here's the plan: I'm thinking everyone ought to vote for Charles Jay and Marilyn Chambers Taylor of the Personal Choice Party, then once elected, we assassinate Jay and Taylor will become the first female president before Hillary has a chance. Let me scoot back a little to all those people who are so pissed that Bush is president. They don't hate him just because he talks funny. The reason Bush has so many people so riled up is because of war. I must admit, that I'm far more familiar with the entertainment industry than I am with politics and the general state of world affairs. I'm sorry to admit that I do believe this has affected the way I perceive the current election. As a disciple of TV and magazines I've been bombarded with anti-Bush and anti-war rhetoric. Despite this acknowledgement, I don't believe that my exposure to such views is such a horrible thing to have. A while back (I can't remember the date. It was about the same time that the United States first invaded Iraq) I heard a guy on talk radio saying a loss in Iraq was inevitable. The guy related what happened in Vietnam. First, within weeks the Viet Cong were defeated in a few decisive battles and victory was imminent if not completely declared. After that incident was the horror of the Vietnam War we remember today. It then became a drawn-out unnecessary unwaking nightmare struggle the U.S. waded through for about a decade. Eventually, after about 50,000 soldiers were killed there, the United States eventually decided it just wasn't worth being there anymore. Looking back, it's sort of amazing that it took well over 50,000 lives to decide to leave. Now we must deal with the fact the Vietnam War was the only conflict we've ever lost. The funny thing is, by the numbers, we annihilated the Viet Cong. According to some estimates, the commies lost about a million fighting men. We should have won, but we didn't. We just left. Am I angry that we deserved to win, but didn't and now have to deal with the beginning of a losing streak? Actually, no. I'm glad we lost. We may have won, if we were willing to sacrifice another 50,000 lives. Fortunately, I think we were fed up. After about 12 years of doing more killing than dying, but still doing a lot of both we realized that there just weren't enough reasons to be there. There weren't enough reasons to lose another 50,000 and there definitely weren't enough reasons to kill a million more. I did some sloppy checking of some of the numbers in our current war situation. Presently, the United States has lost a little over 1,000 military servicemen in Iraq. I had a hard time finding actual fatality numbers of the Iraqi imposing forces. The straightest number I found was actually in an internet post entitled "More Good News From Iraq." The author of this particular post felt that we heard too much bad news from Iraq and wanted to counter by saying that the allied forces are generally taking out eight bad guys for every one of our guys who falls. That puts the bad guy deaths at about 8,000 (what good news!). We kill pretty well nowadays, but not quite as well as we did in Vietnam. The really horrifying numbers are the estimates of the Iraqi civilians killed since the beginning of the war. One source puts it at about 14,000 (14,000 was the minimum estimate with the maximum estimate being over 16,000). Saddam Hussein supposedly killed 300,000 Iraqi civilians while in office over a period of 24 years. That averages out to about 12,500 people a year. At the present rate, more civilians are dying without Hussein's help. Okay, the numbers are out of the way. Let's now talk a little bit about the reasons why 21,000 people needed to die. First of all, the presidency determined that Iraq was amassing weapons of mass destruction. I'm guessing that there's still a chance we'll find the weapons since I'm also guessing that not every single inch of Iraq has been thoroughly searched. Still, it's very commonly believed that the intelligence that led us to believe in said weapons were erroneous. Whoops. That's fine though, because we needed to get rid of Saddam Hussein. He killed lots of people, so Iraq and the world would be better without him. Eliminating Hussein did not eliminate the need to continue fighting, killing and dying. Now we're stuck. The world sees the United States as the ultimate representation of mad imperialism. People who weren't against us before are now against us. People who wouldn't have before are now joining organizations such as Al Qaeda. It is nice that we can't find nasty weapons. It's also nice that Hussein is behind bars. The thing is, if President Bush knew there were no weapons of mass destruction and he said we had to go to Iraq just to take down an evil dictator we would not have been supportive. We would have said there are evil dictators all over the world and we just don't care enough to do all that killing and dying thing we do so well just for Saddam, because he's just not worth our trouble. He's too insignificant all by himself. It wouldn't have been worth it for us and, more importantly, we would have known it wouldn't have been worth it before the fact. Bush probably really believed the WMD mis-intelligence. That doesn't alleviate his guilt though. His administration should have solid enough to more adequately confirm whatever intelligence they had. Bush really believing what was actually wrong puts him at fault and that means he's responsible for an unnecessary war. I spent a lot of words just now talking about a war we shouldn't have gotten involved in. The war actually has very little to do with the election. Although I want Charles Jay to win, John Kerry is the only person who can possibly defeat Bush, and Kerry isn't going to leave Iraq. The reason I spent so much time talking about the war is because it's important to realize that the war was a mistake. There's a lot of talk about the war being a mistake, but also that we're committed and we need to finish what we started. This attitude often includes including the man who started it in the first place. I feel very strongly that under no circumstances should we reward a man for making a mistake. Keeping Bush in office just to clean up Iraq would be like keeping Nixon in office just to clean up Watergate. That's pretty much it. I guess it's all been said before by obnoxious celebrities. It's probably all a bit naive, sure. I was driving around with a friend a few months ago and he saw another bumper sticker with the admonition to impeach Bush. My friend looked at it in disgust and wondered aloud why there weren't so many "Impeach Clinton" stickers in the midst of his scandal. As long as this has rather weirdly turned into an anti-Bush rant, let me talk about something seemingly way off the subject. Anybody remember King David? He was in the Bible you know. He was Israel's greatest king. God blessed him in many ways. One day of course he slipped into marital infidelity. His transgression ultimately led to an unwanted pregnancy to a married woman. Such an action was completely abominable for a king and sickeningly wretched for a man of God. Although he committed such a horrible act, this was not his downfall. David's truest degradation didn't come with his sexual impurity, but with his decision to send an innocent man to unnecessarily fight and die in a war where he didn't belong. http://www.brucespringsteen.net/news/index.html http://www.encyclopedia.com/html/V/VietnamW1.asp http://www.deanesmay.com/archives/005402.html#005402 http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/10/29/1098992290312.html?oneclick=true http://www.thenation.com/doc.mhtml%3Fi=20041115&s=morley http://www.iraqbodycount.net/ (30oct04)

jonnews! ...and nothing but the news flashback: Friday the 13th of October on a FULL MOON 2000! With all that, nobody died today. I'm quite disappointed. After Watcher in the Woods, I got the ward to watch the Shining. I was really proud of how many girls came up to me afterwards and told me, trembling, how much they hated the movie. money! First the boring stuff. I got a job. Notice that I didn't put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence. I would be happier if I were getting money without actually working, but looks like I'll actually be slaving away alongside all you stupid saps. Oh, the company is Aflac -- that place that sells ducks or something. They gave me a couple of weeks to study up on some sort of license or something. I started studying yesterday and got about a page into things before i picked up a magazine. I'm still planning on starting an errand service in which everyone I know pays me 20 bucks a month for me to do legitimate favors for them. suck! My vacuum broke when, strangely, my friend Rhett threw it off our balcony. Probably even strangelyer, I videotaped the whole thing. Watch the best parts of the whole event right here (or click on the picture). hicky! Looks like I didn't win that moustache growing contest. I finally shaved. The picture below of me looking sad is the last (and greatest) picture you'll see of me with the most glorious moustache ever (at least until you scroll down and see more pictures of me). spooky! J.R. and I finally finished the Halloween 2004 cd. Here's what the beautiful front cover looks like. Coincidentally, I think, we've put giant eyes on the front cover two years in a row. Maybe next year we can use the footage from my lasik surgery. Here's the track listing. You can download the whole thing by song. 1. The Day the Earth Stood Still (instrumental) 2. Ascension Day (Alphaville) 3. Girl Without a Planet (My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult) 4. Martian Girl (The Aquabats) 5. Haunted (Evanesence) 6. They (Jem) 7. Dracula's Wedding (Outkast) 8. Voodoo (Godsmack) 9. Rhiannon (Fleetwood Mac) 10. The Creature Stole My Surfboard (Dead Elvi) 11. Sanity Assassin (Bauhaus) 12. Mad Love (LCD) 13. Hell (Squirrel Nut Zippers) 14. This Big Hush (Shriekback) 15. Spanish Caravan (The Doors) 16. Blood, Milk and Sky (White Zombie) 17. Dark (Gary Numan) 18. Under the Milky Way (The Church) 19. Forbidden Planet (instrumental) 20. Fear of Ghosts (The Cure) Click here to view the lyrics. Right click here to download a word file that you can print off (double sided), cut out and insert into whatever jewel case you house your burned copy of Halloween 2004. In order for it to work you may need to download several different word fonts and put the files in the fonts folder of your computer's windows folder. Right click on the links that follow to download them. The fonts are are digifit, creepygirl, cracked johnny, candles, chiller, keypunch, countdown, bnmachine, asimov, alien encounters, gothic love letters, diamond gothic, killigraphy, bitch slap, gothic ultra trendy, naked monk and balloon. If one of these fonts is already installed on your computer, you don't need to download it to download the word file. If anyone wants to go to a haunted house, let me know. close encounters of the nerd kind! Not much to say here. I think the pictures speak for themselves. My friend Erin and I (not the Erin on the sponsors page, but the Salt Lake version of Erin) went to the big release party of the Star Wars dvds. notice that i'm pushing vader's buttons! I won the following award for answering the following questions (notice that they gave me the Jedi Master certificate even though I only answered the Jedi Paduwan questions): I probably would have bothered to put on my stormtrooper outfit if George Lucas bothered to clean up his original works of art (sans Ewoks) instead of his computer-generated crapfests. He says this is the way the movies are meant to be displayed. I disagree. Can I disagree with the actual creator of the films themselves? Yep. I've done it before. Let's get a few things straight. Computer animated animals in the background distract from the story rather than enhance it. When characters originally interact with a human character, the adding in of a digital character is a step down in believability. Most important of all -- HAN SOLO SHOT GREEDO FIRST! Okay, sorry for totally nerding out. It happens every once in a while. saturday morning lights! Last Saturday the boys and I played a little full-contact football. Only one of us sustained a major injury. It was better than we hoped for. Anybody see Friday Night Lights? The camera work was childishly shaky, but Tim McGraw did a FANTASTIC job. I was amazed. mankind is an oxymoron! Ridiculous rant follows: A few weeks ago I went to the same Chinese restaurant two days in a row. Miraculously I got the same fortune both times. Most people I know who I've referred the incident to have told me that the fortune must be true in order for such a serendipitous event to happen. I stick by my guns and say that the opposite is true. I'll tell you the reason: reality TV. Reality TV is the new definition of what mankind has become and it has very little goodness about it, at least not enough goodness for me to believe in anyway. There is a media question that we used to discuss in school: "Does television defiine society or does television reflect it?" Conservative religious types say that TV has a lot to do with defining society which is why 12-year-olds skank themselves up and little boys are going on shooting sprees. Less conservative types say that society is already in decay and we must show the decay to acknowledge it and do something about it. There is truth to both thoughts. What initially goes on TV is a reflection of a small part of society. When the larger part of society watches the behavior of the smaller part, the viewing becomes a part of their society. After that has happened what was initially a reflection of the smaller part becomes a reflection of a larger part because the larger part adjusts to it. I don't hate reality TV because it's boring (it is anyway). I don't hate reality TV because it's just a cheap, lazy way for networks to make money (although it totally is). I don't hate reality TV because of the dolts who participate in it who think they're actual celebrities (although I guess that's part of it). I hate reality tv because it morally offends me. I hate it because it teaches people to have animosity instead of charity. It didn't have to be the way it turned out, but it turned out to promote the worst aspects of Machiavellian greed. I wouldn't mind reality TV if it consisted of just real people followed around by cameras. I actually didn't mind MTV's the Real World. The problem is, they make most of today's reality shows into game shows with an actual point or goal involved. As a result of that, they cast type-A red personalities to accomplish the goals. The contestants (not participants) then do whatever it takes to accomplish the goal. Unlike normal game shows however, there are no rules. The result is that the most selfish and the most willing to inflict harm on others to achieve their goals are often the ones who are rewarded. I'm not denying that there are plenty of conniving selfish people in the world today. There are. Definately. My problem is that when we reward the Machiavelli-worshipping tantrum-makers, the impressionable youth of the world associate that behavior as "correct." I am so sick of meeting people who go on and on about how "up front" they are or how offensive they are as if they were actually proud of it. Listen, maybe it's not something to be proud of. Maybe you're just an asshole and you deserve to be hated. I don't want you thinking you should be earning respect when you should be hated. Some people in this world need to be hard-headed red personality jerks. But not everybody. I'm way too sick of employers thinking that if an employee isn't red, he or she isn't worth working. Obviously I'm nothing at all like anybody on any reality show today. I'm laid-back, easy-going, a good quiet type. Often that means I'm a doormat. If I were a bit more like the people I see on TV, I have no doubt that I'd be much much more socially an financially successful today. Honestly, I'd rather be a doormat than be a selfish jerk. Obviously, I can be a jerk when it really counts, but it's not something I value. I'll change the world my own way. (13oct04)

summer of the junkies flashback: 2 September 2003 I just had a couple of slices of provolone cheese and stared at Mars. Provolone reminds me of Kristen. She loved provolone cheese. She used to make these great waffled sandwiches with provolone. I think that's one more reason why I'm so depressed all the time -- everything reminds me of somebody. Some people have more things they're associated with. Some people have been around forever. Of course Mars reminds me of no one. I've never stared at mars with anyone and I probably won't have another chance for another 60,000 years. That depressed me so I didn't stare at it for too long. jonnews! Y'all best make sure you vote for my face for the X96 and JMR August moustache contest! Go to X96.com for instructions on how to vote. Give me the title "best handlebar." I'm contestant # 61002. Would you believe that the law is after me again for traffic related mishaps? This time I actually hit a guy. My vehicle was a lot more damaged, but the guy still insisted we go through all the paperwork with the cops and everything blah blah blah. The cop at the scene asked me if I was aware of my license suspension. *GROAN* As most recall, I took care of that little issue six months ago. So here we go again. Stupid red tape's grown back. Many have been wondering when I'd finally get a real job. Well, today I just discovered what my calling is! It's indentured servitude. Everybody I know knows I don't really do anything, which is why they call me during the day and have me eat lunch with them or ask if I can do a favor for them or something. Ok, now get this: everybody I know gives me 20 bucks a month. In return I do everything you can't do during the day. This includes banking, picking up laundry, picking up photos, all kinds of shopping, price comparisons, writing letters to corporations, etc. If I don't get your errands done, I just give you back your 20 bucks. If you don't use me during the month, I refund you half your money which means you only lose ten months for the peace of mind you have knowing you have a personal assistant at your beck and call (and I'll probably use the ten bucks you gave me on a birthday present for you). So far everybody's been surprisingly keen on the idea and I think it'll work. So everybody expect an invoice from me in the next 30 days. A&W sent me a coupon for 55 cents off of two 2-liter bottles of root beer. I think they did it because I went to rootbeer.com (which they own) when looking for an image of a Ramblin' root beer can. The coupon expired today (August 31), so I went to Smith's to make the purchase. Fortunately, 2-liter bottles were on sale for 89 cents and also today was the last day for the Smith's fresh values U of U discount. The discount is normally 5%, but was 10% for the last week. As a result of all these discounts I obtained two 2-liter bottles of A&W root beer (my favorite root beer brand still in existence (see list # 1)) for $1.16 after taxes. summer of the junkies (or groove to the cure)watch the groover california music video right here! groovy blog baby! Here's the blog of my Augustine adventures involving the Groovers and the Cure: groover fandango '04 (for the uninformed, the Groovers consist of me and three of my friends from when I was like ten years old -- Jake, J.R. and Peter. All are now married and lead semi-decent lives.): Tuesday, 10 August 2004: So yeah, I had to go down to Provo and like pick up J.R. cuz he's totally carless at his parents' house. When I met up with him, I was again horrified to see that the guy still shaves his head. So after we got back up to my pad, Peter showed a bit later. He drove his dad's van from Illinois to Montana to Utah, resulting in his having car-lag for our whole time together. I was most glad that Pete made it since we were planning on using his car. Finally Jake came with the news that his work graciously allowed him the time off to go to California with us, but that if he did, there would be a good chance that he would be fired when he got back. We all agreed that it was very nice of his job to give this last-minute heads-up. Jake wussily decided it was best that he didn't go with us. That night we had several things on the agenda: Halo, laser-tag and the ceremonial making of the Groovers 2004 t-shirts. We just got around to playing Halo. I won. Several times. Yep. J.R. brought four completed Groovers soundtracks, each with personal album art for the four of us. Several songs are actually from the film Fandango starring Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson. Here's the track listing: Wednesday, 11 August 2004: We began our planned 10:00 departure at 11:30 and then began it again when J.R. left his phone at my house. Our first big stop was at the Garden of Eat'n, the dining establishment attached to the Fillmore Best Western. It was there we decided that instead of splitting the tabs, we would just take turns footing the bill. I suggested this idea and also set the example by taking the first tab right there at the Garden of Eat'n. I also knew that this would be, by far, our cheapest meal. Strangely we made no stop in Nevada, not even for a nickel slot. We had little trouble making it in to California. We ran through the fruit check. A while later we landed at J.R.'s wife's brother's place. Steve and Jenna were very patient throughout the whole ordeal. Thursday, 12 August 2004: Our agenda for today consisted of the famed Knott's Berry Farm theme park. I had a goal to get my picture taken with Lucy Van Pelt, but I couldn't find her anywhere. I also paid $15 for a disposable camera. Some of the rides, including Xcelerator (pictured), completely centrifuged all my bodily fluids. One ride (the Perilous Plunge(also pictured)) was just a boat falling off a cliff into a lake. I bought a Lucy Van Pelt Magnet. That night we asked our hosts if there was a local Chinese restaurant in town. Years and years ago we went to a place called China Palms. We got a kick out of eating the hot chilis included in the kung pao dishes. The waitress at the time told us that eating those things could kill us. Anyway, we were hoping to find another unique, local Chinese place like that. We went to P.F. Chang's at the mall down the road. Noticably, the mall down the road also had a Cheesecake Factory. After asking us if we were LDS, our server-in-training, Jen, asked us where we were staying. After we said we had a place we wondered if she was offering. Jen also provided us with a theater that was playing Napoleon Dynamite. The theater she pointed out, she said, was also much cheaper than the one at the mall we were currently at. We then went to the mall with the cheap theater, which was about five minutes away on the freeway. With ticket prices at $9.50 we wondered how much the expensive theater was. We also noticed that there was another P.F. Chang's at this mall, right next to another Cheesecake Factory. Utah has no Cheesecake Factories, but there are two in California within five minutes of each other. Anyway, before I and my friends settled into the Napoleon Dynamite theater, I purchased a very plush wall-hang from the mall's manga store. I also popped into the Catwoman theater and was happy to see that not a soul was in it. Only about six other people were in our theater, but by the time the movie actually started the place filled to near-capacity. It appeared that all the teenagers that popped in for the 10:00 Thursday show had seen it several times. I also bought a fetching wall-hang of Faye Valentine at the mall's manga shop.Friday, 13 August 2004: Beach day! We decided on Dana Point, because we heard it was a surfer beach and I demanded from everyone that we try surfing out. Unfortunately we learned that this specific beach has no sand under the water, only jagged rocks. This made getting out to the waves pretty difficult and falling off the board very scary. Perhaps because it was Friday the 13th, I dunno, but I really sucked at surfing. Even worse than the first time I did it. Peter and J.R. did mighty fine for just going and doing it. Peter even ran a wave all the way in, he just never bothered to stand up. That night we ate at the beautiful Cheesecake Factory. I got a cookie dough one. It had nuts. Peter was going to get the carmel brownie cheesecake but the server said they were out and said he'd give Pete a couple more minutes to decide on a new one. We thought it would be funny if, when the server came back, Peter asked how good the carmel brownie cheesecake was and that he would like that one. We didn't do it. Saturday, 14 August 2004: This was the day that my good friend Erin Gardner was supposed to get married. Good luck with that whole thing Erin (and if you ever need someone to have an affair with let me know)! We switched homebases to J.R.'s in-laws. They just bought a new DVD player and needed him to install it. Their proximity to Hollywood made Hollywood our next choice venue. We parked next to the Graumann's Mann Chinese Theater and saw the first movie we could there. It was Alien Vs. Predator. Not too bad of a movie. There was one part where everybody in the theater thought that Predator was going to kiss the human main character. Anyways, they kicked us out of the theater before I was able to really videotape anything. The mall next door was the home of Ryan Seacrest's show as well as the world-famous KROQ radio station (but a Cheesecake Factory was strangely absent). We wanted to go to the Hard Rock Cafe, but that would necessitate parking again. Instead, we just found a Mexican dive bar just off of Hollywood Blvd. The place was called Las Palmas. I guess it's the China Palms Mexican equivalent. Our server was pretty cute, but I think J.R. and Pete preferred the food. On the way back to the car I stopped in a hip, local skate shop and bought a shirt with their logo on it because I guess I've always secretly wanted to be a California local even though I've had an intense animosity for most Californian locals my whole life. Sunday, 15 August 2004: Church. Pete wore a suit. I wore my pearl-buttoned white thing with grey cotton pants and hemp shoes. J.R. wore Pete's tight blue jeans and his dark glitter shirt. We ate at Arby's. We breaked at J.R.'s parents' house for some sweet Settlers of Catan gameplaying. After learning the game two days earlier, J.R. beat us twice in a row. Monday, 16 August 2004: Pete and I left J.R. in Provo to have some Bombay House and do some nicklecading with Jake. We taped this... for some reason. Tuesday, 17 August 2004: Pete snuck away while I slept. Wednesday, 18 August 2004 (the ongoing saga of the Cure's take-over of the world): So this time when the Cure came to town they brought a bunch of other bands, had day-long shows and called the whole thing the Curiosa Festival. my jailbait friend naomi The doors to the Usanna Ampitheatre opened at 3, but my jailbait friend Naomi and I arrived at about 4:45. We soon realized that we could've arrived at 6 and still pushed ourselves to the very front of the front general admission. Nevertheless, we used the time to loiter around the the t-shirt stands and radio stations' vans. The X96 van was playing an x-set of the Cure, which was fortunate for us since I requested the song "High" and dedicated it to my jailbait friend Naomi a half-hour earlier. "High" was played, as well as "Just Like Heaven" and "Friday I'm in Love," probably the three most pop-radio-friendly Cure songs of them all (later, the Cure would only play one of these three). The first group to play was called Mogwai, which I thought may have been the name of little Gizmo's species in the movie Gremlins, but since they were polite gentlemen from Scotland, I'm not so sure. They played three (or four if they blended a couple which they very well could have) songs, none of which had any vocals. The tunes would rise to a climax to applause and then lull again to no finish and then climax again. I sometimes felt awkward applauding a song I thought was over. They ended with about five minutes of feedback on three guitars cut short simultaneously. Later in the show the guy next to me felt that Mogwai was a "religious experience." I guess I couldn't argue since that phrase is thrown around a lot nowdays. We hit the second stage for a group called Scarling. My jailbait friend Naomi insisted that she and a friend of hers used to listen to this band constantly. I must say I enjoyed Scarlings groove -- sort of goth-punk. The bassist and guitarist epitomized black-manicured cool. I actually thought these were pretty good looking guys in black suits I've always wanted. I couldn't tell what the drummer was wearing behind the set, but he had Marilyn Quayle hair that bounced everywhere. At first I thought the Hot Topic employee-looking chick-guitarist was strictly ornamental, but she really started wailing hard at the end. I can only describe the chick-lead singer as having tons and tons of fat-itude. I can't remember the titles to all their songs, but they did have a song about Crispin Glover, "the absolute coolest man on this planet!" I felt the biggest surprise was back to the main stage for a band called the Rapture. Four members: guitar, bass, drums and COWBELL. The cowbellist was all over the place too. For a few songs he wailed hard on a sax. Everytime I see someone wailing onstage with a saxophone I always wonder if it could've been me since that was my instrument in junior high. For a few eventful tunes, the bassist, drummer and cowbellist switched to keyboards, producing straight up techno-pop in contrast to the groove-funk-dance-guitar they produced with necked instruments. No other band got people dancing more than the Rapture. I bought the Rapture's cd later in the week, but was disappointed at how much better they sound live than in the studio. I guess I'll have to watch for them again. INTERPOL, like Scarling, wore black in the coolest way possible. Before the show INTERPOL was (besides the Cure) the only band I had really heard. While I was underwhelmed by the cd, I was blown away by a hidden energy while they sounded exactly like the cd onstage. The people around me were very excited as many of them placed INTERPOL on equal or above ground to the Cure. here's the best looking of the bunch: simon gallup! The Cure was next. By this time, a tiny Asian girl crept up beside us. She would've been right at the front, but she just got into town. This chick had already seen the show like three times on the east coast and was now visiting a friend in Springville so she could go to the Salt Lake show. Giddily, she informed us that they've been playing lots of stuff off Head on the Door, including my personal favorite, "Push." My anticipation took a shot of renewed energy. Here's the complete playlist with commentary: Lost- I don't really like the song, but it got us all warmed up when we sung along like banshees. Plainsong- I blasphemously don't like this song very much either and I especially don't think it translates live for the Cure very well when it's so reliant on keyboards. Robert is a much better showman with a guitar in his hands, and he didn't require one for this song. Instead, while the intro was playing, he wandered back and forth on the stage staring at different clumps of the audience. He looked sort of like a creepy guy scoping out a high school. This was Disintigration song number 1. Labyrinth- One of my preferred songs from the new cd. The background art was of a spinning labyrinth that started slow and was probably at about 175 rpm by the time the song ended. Good energy. Fascination Street- I'm pretty sure they played this in Denver when I saw them last (four years ago). Disintigration song number 2. The End of the World- I realized during this song that the Cure has no background vocals. Besides Robert, none of the other band members ever open their mouths. That meant that some of the ooo-ooohs of this song were left off, because Robert does it in the studio. Lovesong- More meaningful and enjoyable than when I saw 311 do it on the exact same stage a couple of months ago. Disintigration song number 3. Inbetween Days- This song was the highlight of the Denver show when I saw them four years ago, so it was a delight to see it again. I feel it's their most perfect pop-song for live play. Just Like Heaven- As much as I feel this song is overplayed (it was the only song from the day's X96 Cure x-set to make the show's playlist), it takes on a different energy when thousands of people are singing along to it. Pictures of You- This used to be my favorite Cure song. Disintigration song number 4. Lullaby- Here's the only guitarless Robert song where it was interesting to watch him. He did cute little hand movements to illustrate the spider-man eating his eyes. Distintigration song number 5. Before Three- Not one of my favorite songs from the new cd, but again, way better when everyone else is enjoying it. From the Edge of the Deep Green Sea- This was the night's only track from Wish, my second favorite album. I think they played this one in Denver too. alt.end- I love how this song is only in small letters whenever it's printed. It's a good one from the cd. Disintegration- Probably my favorite track from Disintigration even though it took me a little while to recognize it after they started playing. Disintigration song number 6. 100 Years- What a party! Everyone started jumping with the initial riff and everyone sang along with the opening line "It doesn't matter if we all die!" Surprisingly, even though it's a slightly obscure song, it brought the house down in Denver as well as Salt Lake. The Promise- The mopiest and longest song on the new cd. A fitting end. Encore 1: M- When I saw them play in Denver they did three songs off of Faith. This time they did three songs off Seventeen Seconds. I've decided I prefer Seventeen Seconds. This one had a giant "M" in the background, so I know it's a staple of their live set now. Although most of their earlier stuff sounds dated, "M" live sounds as good as anything they've done in the past 15 years in the studio. Play For Today- On their live cd called Paris, "Play For Today" is a huge highlight because of the Parisan populace chanting along with the keyboard harmony. We were all able to replicate that at the show. Sounds kind of like the crowd chanting for "Bro Hymn" by Pennywise. A Forest- This is my groover buddy Jake's favorite Cure song and I was very disappointed to discover that he left the show before this was played. Jake also got to the show late and missed the cowbell in the Rapture. I really really felt sorry for him. "A Forest" is definately a live must-have (although I was surprised to hear they only play it at about half of their shows. Encore 2: Close to Me The Lovecats Boys Don't Cry- All three of these songs are the cream of the Cure pop. They decided to end on an upper. My jailbait friend Naomi caught the show playlist the roadie threw out and we were surprised to discover that the Cure didn't play what they meant to for the encores. According to the list she caught, they were supposed to play "Charlotte Sometimes" as well as a couple of others from Faith. Oh well. At least we have the proof. Since we were pushed to the front and I had more energy and the set had more songs I was familiar with, the show was a lot better than the one I saw in Denver. Of course, when the Cure rolls back around in five years I'll have to see them again. I still didn't get "High" and they didn't "Push" me and I never got "Never Enough." Friday, 20 August 2004: I finally picked up my copy of the Japanese import cd of the Cure's self titled. Three new songs. Yay! Also, it has English AND Japanese lyrics. So the Cure saga ends on a happy note with me getting all the music I wanted. Looking back, I guess the Cure didn't quite take over the world as I suspected, but it might be a sort of subversive thing. Way back in the day, Jehovah's Witnesses claimed that Christ's second coming would be in the year 1914. When 1914 came around they said that Christ DID come, but nobody noticed. Aha. Perhaps the Cure really did take over the world. Think about it. related: death by cure the symptoms of the cure (31aug04)

jonnews!flashback: 7 August 1993 I flipped a u-turn and then J.R. got in my car and we chased them for a while. J.R. and I got bored so we met at Dover and loitered some more. According to the odometer, I drove 44.8 miles. I finally got a job! Well, it's more of a hobby than a job since I don't do it much and it doesn't pay much. It's with HOT HOT HOT HOT... 94.9....The Blaze. I now do some weekend board-op work. If you were listening to the station last weekend you totally could've heard me screw up pretty bad. See the Blaze van was at the ultimate fighting championship and they called in their little propaganda speeches for people to come to the event. For some reason I neglected to edit out me talking to the guy before it went on air. Nobody's complained yet. I finally beat Metroid, my favorite Nintendo game. As a kid, I actually destroyed the main, bad-thing, the Mother Brain, but I always failed to escape the planet on time before the bomb timer ran out. Well this time I did it with the help of a Nintendo emulator, an under-the-table password code and an illegal save feature. When you finish the game in a certain amount of time you actually get to see yourself without your armor. Hey, I'm pretty cute! death by cure As promised, I will now resume my coverage of the inevitable world takeover by the Cure, by reviewing the new cd, which I surprisingly still don't own. On June 28, When I went to go pick it up at the MODified midnight release party with my jailbait friend Naomi, I asked for the Japanese version (which has a few extra tracks). I paid for it, but found out that they were out of Japanese versions and they'd get back to me. They still haven't gotten back to me, so I had to steal Naomi's copy, which is the standard US release with a bonus making-of dvd. Anyway, the thing is self-titled. After a dozen studio albums, this is the first time in the band's quarter-century history they have named an album after themselves. The gimmick might be a promotional tool for young people. After Smith guested on Blink-182's first self-titled release, a Cure self-titled release for the (hopefully) new fans Smith gained would make sense. Of course it might just be laziness. Maybe during a titling brainstorming session one of the bandmembers just yelled, "Hey, we never bothered to just call one 'The Cure!'" Of course, this is the band's first cd with a new record company. A lot of people think the reasoning is a sort of rebirth. Robert Smith has probably been aching for a rebirth for several years. I think that aging rock stars is a tragic concept for two reasons that the masses don't quite fully realize. Most adept musicians start bands not for money or even for women (although many claim the latter, I believe successful musicians humor us by saying they do it for the chicks). Real musicians do it for the music alone and real rock stars do it for the concept of rock 'n roll music in and of itself. Eventually the concepts of rebellion, power and youth that came so easily with the beginning of a rock star's career become baggage as the rock star can no longer deny he's actually young. Soon the musician must fake all rock qualities in order to maintain credibility in the rock world. This then causes the rock star to hate himself in his own hypocrisy. The second big problem rock stars have with aging is versatility. Robert Smith has been in a rock band since he was 17 years old. For the past five albums he's threatened to break up the band, but he always changes his mind. I think that he doesn't change his mind because of the band or even for the fans. I think he keeps the band together as a sort of self-preservation. Being in a band is all he knows how to do. He's never done anything else. He's been with the Cure for twice as long as the time he hasn't been. He's scared. If he doesn't keep the Cure up, he'll have to go on welfare. With all that said, let's look at the album: LOST: The cd starts with an obligatory whine session by Robert. It's instrumentally minimalist with Robert yelling over and over "I can't find myself!" Eventually the guitars crescendo into something more interesting, but we can't help but say, "C'mon Rob! Get over yourself!" A few goth kids will probably crank this track up on especially bad days. Robert turns a corner with the last lyrics though: "I can't find myself/ I got lost in someone else..." LABYRINTH: This would have made a much better opening track. The middle-eastern sounding guitar drone would make an excellent background score for Ali-baba if he were in the Cretian labyrinths. Mixed with the hollow drums, we're back in the midst of the deep darkness of the Cure that we have come to love so much. The song, as I hear it, is about familiar things becoming complicated. Robert again pulls us in a different direction with his Shyamalanesque final lyric: "Everything has to have changed.../ Or it's me..." Blast Robert! It was someone else and now it's all about YOU again! Blast! BEFORE THREE: Too bad "Lost" had to begin the album. If not, "Before Three" could have been track two and its title would be cleverer. Robert begins here with his first happy song by starting out fittingly: "The happiest day I ever knew..." Unfortunately the song sounds a little too much like Grandpa Robert sitting on the porch in a rocking chair telling stories. THE END OF THE WORLD: We all know this resistible at first, but ultimately irresistible first single. Everybody sing along at the first set of "ooo-eee-ooo" right after "We want us like everything else!" I think the song is about playful devotion despite impending separation. ANNIVERSARY: Here's some more painful nostalgia. The haunting echoey chords sound a little like X-files drearydom. The vocals are a distraction from the musical mood. US OR THEM: The band plugs back in and deliver a scathing F-bomb induced letter to Dubya. Robert probably included this, because, like all other musicians, he had to take a stand on the American president. While I don't completely disagree with his opinions, I do wish he didn't bother including this song, because I'm sure there are better songs they left off the album. Still, this song might be the loudest on the album. When turned up it packs a Cure punch similar to another personal favorite: "Never Enough." alt.end: The guitar layering reminds me of some of my favorite work from the Head on the Door album. The chorus is beautifully sing-alongable and is followed by a sudden contrasting slow-groove in the verses. Tight, noticeable snares snap in the background throughout. Robert seems to be singing about all the other fish in the sea being pretty boring. (I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING) ON: I gave this song an extra star because it must be the shortest Cure song in years clocking in at 2:57! They should've skipped the parenthetical title and just gave it a ridiculously short name as well. This is probably the most obvious pop delight on the album. TAKING OFF: This song falls in the middle of a "pop block" on the album and is an excellent extension of "(I DON'T KNOW..." The instrumentality is at a high perfection here with a feel good driving jangle. Robert sings here about anticipating change, but thoroughly enjoying the moment. NEVER: Here's the conclusion of the pop block. It's about lazy, annoyed pity on one's lover. The musical style bounces between old school Cure pop and present-day rock. The verses contain the delightful pop (a switch from the pop being in the chorus as in "alt.end") while the chorus is pretty groovy-rocky. THE PROMISE: Funny those ten minutes just fly right by! If this is the last Cure album, it's only fitting that it concludes with a ten-minute steady drone. Still, as ten-minute steady drones go, this one's pretty good. It sort of gets under your skin and lives there for a little while while you pay your bills or something. Right now, the Cure pop harder than they rock and they rock harder than they mope. Final Grade: Bring on the Cure pop music! The liner notes of the US cd contain the following passage: "This Album was Recorded Live in a Candlelit Room & Mixed Very Loud in The Dark... We know You should Turn Down the Lights & Turn Up the Sounds for Your Optimum Listening Pleasure..." I think it's pretty good advice. Oh, btw, in a couple of weeks I'll be attending the Curiosa Festival with my jailbait friend Naomi. I promise to conclude my summation of the Cure's takeover of the world after I report on the concert. Related: the symptoms of the cure (6aug04)

catching up with rexbasior flashback: Ides of July 2002 It's quite amazing, with as hot as it is all the time nowdays, how cold most women I know are. eat shirt We now officially have like five shirts left. Yeah, if you still want one, I can get it for you. I'll say this one more time - These things are cool. You would want this shirt anyway even if I wasn't just giving it to you. The girls' one looks like this. The guys' one looks like this. Post a message somewhere on the board if you want one. clint happens Clint is the latest addition to my apartment. Rhett and I were thinking about getting some bar stools, but we decided on Clint instead. We're hoping that his tallness will somehow bring more girls into our apartment. Clint's a pretty sensitive guy who enjoys Rage Against the Machine and the original Tom Green Show. His eyes are two different colors, but it doesn't make him more evil. eye see It's been a couple of months since I've had my eye surgery and I still see better than you do. I won't rub it in again. the 411 on 311 My buddy Rhett was fortunate enough to win 311 tickets. I was fortunate enough that Rhett had already bought tickets for the show, so Clint and I freeloaded. We actually ran into Melissa, the chick who cut my hair last December at Bikini Cuts at the show with her husband. Just as an update, she doesn't work at Bikini Cuts anymore and now cuts hair in her home (fully clothed). She said she just got sick of wearing a bikini. I suppose everyone gets sick of their job after a while. I think I'm a much bigger fan of 311 now. Rhett and I were talking and we decided that 311 is so good because no other mainstream band sounds very much like them. When they came, they came original. Nirvana was great for the same reason. They started a huge trend, but they were never well emulated. stiller crazy after all these years Since being unemployed, I've been living in the theater near my apartment. Spider-Man 2: Okay. I'm not really going to comment on it since that's all anyone is talking about and nobody needs my opinion about it. Dodgeball: Wickedly inspirational. Don't stay to see what's at the end of the credits. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The best Harry so far. The most original and the best reason in the series to actually make movies out of the books. I've had disagreements with several of my friends about how faithful books should be to movies. I believe that movie adaptations should diverge from the books the come from in order to justify being made. If a movie is exactly like a book, its existence apart from the book is completely meaningless. I'm a huge fan of film, and I believe that a film should be an outgrowth, not a cut and paste. King Arthur: Dull as dirt. I guess they tried to put on film some kind of historical legend about King Arthur rather than the mythical legend. Quite a tease. Quite a boring tease. What's the point of having a Merlin that doesn't do anything? Okay, remember what I said about source material? Well, we could do with a little of the cool stuff from the King Arthur legends we learned about in high school. Napoleon Dynamite: You know those people who like to say "RANDOM!" whenever something funny happens? Well, all those people should see Napoleon Dynamite because they'll probably like it. Fortunately, I think all the randomness SORT OF pays off in the end. Van Helsing: Kind of like King Arthur only funner! I liked Frankenstein's monster's lite-brite brain. I got sick of seeing new movies, since most of them are so disappointing. So I rece ntly re-saw Mean Girls, Kill Bill Vol. 1 and Starsky and Hutch. Seeing great movies a second time is a lot more fun than seeing movies a first time. franz and fish and the end of the world Also I finally turned in my Virgin card. By that I mean I got my free cd from the Virgin Megastore for buying ten other cds over the past few months. I think it was Franz Ferdinand that I bought. Groovy. I also nabbed an old Fishbone cd. Wicked killer. Also, speaking of audio, The Cure began their newest invasion of Earth at the end of last month. I'll talk about it next time. (13july04) Hey, check it out! An actual sponsor! Click below!

flashback: 9 June 2000 Is this the end? Maybe this is a good choice. It's very dramatic. I hate the way things are. I hate school. I hate work. I hate my major. I have no desire to study. I have no desire to wake up. I have no desire to sleep. I despise my passions. I hate doing what is necessary to live. I hate having a girlfriend. I hate having a mistress who never calls. I feel next to nothing. Actually all I feel is GUILT, GUILT, GUILT. Those of you who know me know that I haven't been working the last couple of weeks. There's an old saying that I probably should have heeded a long time ago: "No Neways is good news." As I've mentioned before, I've had some problems with the place I worked. Just to recap, my former employer, Neways, recently switched my shift with a day's notice. A week after the switch, I discovered that the company used the switch as an excuse to cut my pay, since the morning shift didn't have a pay differential. Naturally I complained about this. I said to my superiors that it was silly that I was being punished for catering to them. I guess I stuck around because I thought things would only get better. Silly me. A week after I discovered the pay-cut, one of my supervisors called me into a meeting. I assumed the meeting was to resolve the problem. Unfortunately, they laid a completely new problem on me. They planned on switching my shift again and moving me to the other building (which I knew had a totally terrible vibe about it). And they wanted to make the change the next day. One good thing would've come with the change: a four-day week working ten hours a day with Friday off. The negative side would be coming in at 6 a.m. Such a schedule would necessitate leaving my home at 5 a.m. Most of my friends at work thought I was crazy for coming to work all the way from Salt Lake anyway, so I pretty much decided that the cons far outweighed the pros. I let my employers know this and that between the choice of changing positions or leaving the company, leaving the company would be far more viable. For a couple of days we talked about making the position a limited time deal. I decided, though, that I'd rather not just be against the ropes for my whole employment. I'd rather not be fighting at all. They let me serve out my two weeks in my original area. I also found out that I was being paid more than they originally wanted, and that they were frantically searching for some kind of documentation that would invalidate my incredible earnings. Earlier in the month, when they asked to see some of my employment records (records I never actually received) they gave bogus excuses. Maybe I didn't deserve all the riches they lavished on me ($12.10/hr), but they were pretty underhanded in trying to take it back. So I don't work anymore. I'm really enjoying my vacation, but my money is slowly eking away. I'm not in too much of a panic. Things have always worked out for me with little effort on my part. Seriously though, how's your job? Can I work there? (18jun04)

the two thousand five hundred and fourteen dollar man flashback: 12 June 2003 My insides are still going up and down from the swells of today. I attempted to learn how to surf. I got a couple of good stands in. I mostly went shallow on account of my not really knowing how to swim. I also bought some skates. Yes, skates. So I'm even gayer now. Click here to see VIDEO of my lasik surgery! It's been about a month since my lasik and I see just fine. That's the gist of it anyway. I went in on May 21. It really helped that the nurse helping out was the curly-haired gorgeous blonde that was there the first time I went in. She offered a little plush bunny for me to hold during the procedure, which I gladly accepted. The worst part of it was the Clockwork Orange hook-mechanism that held my eyes open. They pinched a little. My eyes, however, were numb enough for the good Dr. Ellsworth to draw on without me flinching. It's quite strange for someone to just draw stuff on your eyeball and not care that much about it. I had a harder time with the left eye and I'm not sure why. All I know is that I kind of freaked out and made myself look like a total wuss in front of Blondie. Walking out of O.R., I could see about as well as I usually could - horribly. Thoughts went through my head about how maybe this whole laser thing could be a really MASSIVE scam. It seemed unlikely, all I knew is that I couldn't see... yet. I went home, lied down and listened to some jazz. Within a couple of hours, I could see well enough to function. My vision improved twice as much the next day and twice as much again the day after that. For the first week I had to put drops in every couple of hours. The drops felt sort of like the kind of contact lens fluid that has the red cap (for those of you who don't know, the red cap signifies incredible eye pain if you accidentally put some in your eye). Right now, my eyes get tired at night and I stick artificial tears in there a couple of times a day. I guess they said that my tear ducts would temporarily go out of commission after the treatment. I don't know if they work again. I rented Hannah and her Sisters, but it didn't make me cry this time. I'll rent something else emotional later. Actually, the after-effects weren't nearly as bad as I anticipated. When my buddy Pete did it, his eyes were very uncomfortable for months afterward. I was pretty comfortable within a couple of days. The coolest after-effects were the weird bruises that appeared on my eyes after they put the surgical suction cups to them. The weirdest thing is, I sometimes forget that I had the surgery. I don't go around looking at everything thinking it's a miracle I can see. I always could see. Things don't look different. Now I just forget I'm not actually wearing anything to see. The biggest differences, of course are in the morning and at night. I wake up and my eyes are tired, but I can see. At night, I'm tired, but I just go to bed instead of taking out my contacts. Now, before I go to sleep i look at the clouds out the window if they're there. Last weekend I went to Moab and slept under the stars and for the first time actually saw them when I went to sleep. A week earlier I actually had fun at a pool, because I could actually see the bodies around me. The concept of sight really is awesome when you get moments to appreciate it. I suppose the worst thing about being able to see is the fact that I have perfect vision in the shower. For 20 years I didn't look at my naked body when I showered, now I have too. I feel sort of self-perverted. Anyway, get lasik done with my guy. He's really good. I get 50 bucks for referring you. (18jun04) related: the six dollar man

science non-fiction double feature First, a moment of silence for the summer absence of KOHS radio. KOHS, your loss truly makes Summer the most lonely and depressing season.(video below! scroll down!)

flashback: 11 May 1994 We played poker and Jeremy lost his sense of humor the first night. I lost my sense of direction and my wit to Jake, so for a while he was really super funny. (click here to hear the best part) As everyone can see, the shirts are in and quite beautiful in my opinion. The girls' ones are especially fetch. They're a baseball tee two-tone of deep heather and black. The model pictured is the lovely Leslie, my good buddy. I couldn't find a male model so I had to use myself. The guys' tees are straight up black. They're front pattern only and the artwork is a variation on the main logo. I sort of incorporated the A Perfect Circle logo into it because I like the look (not necessarily the band). The good folks at Nightrider had to emulate the design I gave them and they pulled it off great. Yes, the lettering is pink. Some complained when they heard about the coloring, but I think everybody took it ok when they discovered how it turned out. Anyway, you're not wearing yourself when you wear an official rexbasior.com t-shirt. you're wearing ME. Fortunately and unfortunately they were extremely popular. So popular, in fact, the demand exceeded the supply. Therefore, I'm going to place another order. I have to hurry because Nightrider said they'd only keep the print film for a month. SO IF YOU WANT A SHIRT, EMAIL ME! You can reach me at jon@rexbasior.com or rexbasior@yahoo.com. In case you're wondering, the shirts are free. Yep, pretty cool, huh? Why are they free? Because I expect you to wear them and therefore advertise for me. That way, I'll bring in more viewers and make more money (if I actually had a product or any kind of advertising). You may ask how I can afford to be so benevolent. The only thing I can think of is karma. Since I'm nice to most people, I'm rewarded with the money necessary to pull this off. Of course if the people I hang around weren't as nice as they are, I'd probably be more of a jerk to them, so I guess the fact that I'm nice to people is really 'cuz they're nice to me. Hmm. I guess it's just a coincidence that I have the funds I need. Things looked pretty bleak last week. I recently switched shifts at my job at Neways in Salem. Apparently the bigwigs wanted to more easily spy on the kind of performance I was putting in, so they asked me to temporarily switch from the night shift to the day. At first I was a little put off because of my bizarre sleeping schedule and ease of commute at unusual hours. But, since I wasn't in school and could use a change of pace, I gave in to their demands. A few days later they informed me that since I wasn't working nights anymore, I'd lose my 10% shift differential. In essence they DEMOTED me for doing what they asked. Someone please tell me if this is at all fair. Anyway, karma. The next day I just happened to win a small fortune. CLICK HERE! It's almost as if the universe WANTS these shirts to be distributed throughout the world! So get one for you, get one for your friend and donate some money if you want. I'd like to see my shirts on our boys doing that bang-up job over there in Iraq. ...Oh my, I was gonna stop there, but as long as we're talkin' about shirts... I collected three new beauties today. Some extreme stunt biker thing happened at the Gateway today and we hit up all sorts of sponsors. The Tylenol cheerleaders gave me this free shirt which was nice. It helps me identify the posers in the area. The good people at Vans weren't quite as good. If I bought this ten dollar t-shirt I received a free cd or hat. I picked the cd and when I got home, I found a prop cd in the case. When I took it back to exchange it I told them they should give me a hat too, for my trouble. The cheapos didn't oblige and I paid them to advertise for Vans. I didn't think I'd buy another shirt today, but I did. I actually enjoy advertising for MODified Music. My people live there. Plus I had a gift certificate there, so it was almost free. Um... anyway, I guess I really like t-shirts. (15may04)

flashback: 22 April 2003 I got a hot chocolate and read a magazine with the White Stripes as the cover story. In the story the Stripes emphasized the idea that there is the most creativity when there are the most limitations. I bought Star Trek 2 on DVD. The chick at the counter actually had a Star Trek conversation with me. She figures Star Trek 6 is the best. Very unusual. i always wanted to go to a Star Trek convention to meet girls. Sure there wouldn't be too many cute ones - but the cute ones that would be there would be wicked awesome... I popped in Star Trek 2 and watched the director's commentary. One thing he emphasized was the most creativity with the most limitations. This is from my fortune cookie at Panda Express today: Ok, STORY! A couple of Fridays ago I got into my car after work, and began the trek home. I had just had a horrible contact day. My eyes were scratched and red from my ridiculous gas permeable hard contact lenses. The same lenses have irritated me for ten years. Over the years I've often felt like Oedipus (not Oedipus in the mother-marriage thing, but Oedipus in the sense of blinding himself by jabbing foreign objects into his eyes. So, since it was the end of the day, I took out my contacts and put my glasses on. Since I don't see as well with my ancient glasses, I have to tilt them forward off my ears slightly to give my eyes a viewing space consisting of slightly thicker glass. A little ways down the road I coughed up something from my throat. Naturally, I wanted to get rid of it, but of course I didn't want to spit it out in the car (I'm pretty messy, but it's more of a clutter mess than a bodily fluid mess), so I opened the door to spit it out on the road. I wasn't parked. I was moving, which in itself isn't a problem at all. The problem arose when my non-anchored glasses gave into the increased wind-speed as I stuck my head out of the car. I think a lot of you realize how big of a deal it was when my glasses flew off my head onto the road while the car was moving. I probably don't have to explain the horror of it to you people who have even close to the same vision problems I do. Of course, many of you may not understand what it's like to be ridiculously nearsighted. Most of you probably aren't even as nearsighted as I am. I'm so nearsighted, when I don't have my corrective lenses I can't hear. Miraculously, I was able to turn on the hazards, floor it in reverse, travel in a semi-straight line and reach down and grab a grey blob that was somehow my glasses despite looking exactly the same as every other object in the world during my condition at this time. After such an annoying (and life-threatening) day of non-sight I decided never again! At that exact moment I decided that as soon as time would allow, I would undergo LASIK SURGERY. Presently I have a May 21 appointment to get my eyes fixed for good. I'll let everybody know how it goes. In the meantime, I think I'll ramble about all the other crap that's wrong with my pathetic, cheap body. Maybe I'll fix all this other stuff later. DEFORESTATION Baldness is caused by genes or stress or both. I have very little stress in my life. I've made my life that way on purpose so I won't go bald. Of course my heredity has kicked in and now I'm starting to go bald. The really bad part of this is that going bald is stressful in itself so you can see the chain-reaction on its way. REFORESTATION I guess I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not bald over my whole body. Wait, no, I can't take comfort in that fact. EYE AM SO VEIN Last time I went to the optometrist (before I decided on the surgery), he told me he was slightly concerned with my "eye veins." Up until then, I thought they brought me character, but now they're just another thing to stress out about. They also help people to mistakenly suppose that I'm a drug addict. WIRE YOU HERE? The area underneath permanent retainers is a great place to start new bacteria colonies. They're pretty much immune to any kind of toothbrush. THE BIG Cs One reason I'm so thin is because I always have at least one canker in my mouth. HOLY MOLEY Could someone please tell me what moles are? Are they arterial outgrowths? Are they mutated skin? Do I want to know, 'cuz I have a bunch of 'em! The Chinese say that it's good luck for hair to grow out of moles. I'll take what I can get. SINISTER WRIST I broke my left wrist in 7th grade. Since then it's healed slightly crooked and cracks every five minutes. THAT'S SO CUTICLE! You can't tell here, but my cuticles often bleed. I was thinking about making them bleed on purpose, but just trust me. NINE NANOMETER NAILS The one thing in my life I don't remember is when I got into the habit of whittling my nails down when I get anxious or bored. I'm anxious or bored 99% of the time. HERE'S WHERE MY OLD HERNIA SCAR IS I'll spare the visual details, but I'll vividly descsribe it. It looks like a line. TOE-RIFFIC Somehow I didn't get infected by the coral I cut myself on when I snorkeled the Red Sea a few years ago. Strangely on that same day I remember ripping off my pinkie toenail in its entirety that day. My fourth toenail also came off later. They grow back weird. ME SO CORNY Whatever these things are, they're hard to stand on sometimes. SHELOB IN THE HIZZY! I think this is the remains of a spider bite. It really itched for a while. Spiders like to bite me I think because I stopped killing them a few years ago and they see that as a sign of weakness. (30apr04)

flashback: 22 March 2003 ...we didn't kill each other. We just perpetuated whatever we have, which is simple sado-masochistic friendship. a little bit of tid Okay, if ANYBODY'S checked out the site anytime in the past two weeks, I apologize. Strangely, I've been too busy to update even though many envy at how un-busy my life is.So this update will just be an assortment of thoughts and purchases I've made over the past couple of weeks. Hopefully meaningless snippets will be more interesting than meaningless bloated essays. First off, the t-shirts are actually getting pretty close to happening. I took a little while with a new logo since I wanted it to not only be self-absorbed of me, but also fashionable. Right now, the color will probably be black. I originally wanted pink, but most of my people don't wear pink even though I thought it would be really cool. I talked to this guy at a printing place and I'll be getting back to him this week. He even said he and his wife would go over the logo and make suggestions. Here's the deal: if you want a shirt, I'll give you one. I'll make maybe 20 or so. So send me your shirt size a.s.a.p. and I'll make sure to have a shirt done in that size. March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, was officially the day this year that I turned the A/C in my car on. I just got out of the theater showing Jersey Girl. I went by myself because I didn't want to get emotional when someone else was around. It was good, I swear. Very different for Kevin Smith. Going into the flick I thought it would be the story of how Ben Affleck conveniently got rid of Jennifer Lopez so he could shack up with Liv Tyler. It was actually entirely about the father-daughter relationship. On the way out I thought about how few movies are love stories between parents and children. Sure there are "family films" which only delve into the relationship at the end of the flick to induce an "aw shucks" from the crowd. Really, though, am I that far off in saying that the relationship a parent has with his kid is more adult than the relationship he has with his lover? Just a thought. One more thing about Jersey Girl. It played my absolute favorite Cure song in its entirety in a very key moment. Just one more proof that The Cure will soon take over the world completely. The other last movie I saw was Starsky and Hutch. I think it's sure to be Owen Wilson's last movie where people aren't sick of him playing a version of himself. Hey, I still liked it though. Everytime I think of the shower scene with the hand towels, I giggle uncontrollably. See, it's funny at so many levels. First there's just the visual humor, which is funny enough. Then there's the fact that Starsky didn't know about the full-sized towels because he's too short. Then, with Starsky's shortness in mind, Hutch's ignorance is inexplicable... which is funny. Leave it to me to think that two guys wearing nothing but hand towels is actually sophisticated humor. I remember the nineties as a dark time. Everyone made fun of eighties music the same way I made fun of seventies music. So yeah, on February 20th as I was listening to the X-96 "Top Ten Songs That Don't Suck," I noticed three very peculiar somethings. "It's My Life" by No Doubt, "Darling Nikki" by Foo Fighters and "Mad World" by Gary Jules all made it to the countdown. On first glance this means nothing until one realizes that these songs were all written 20 years ago by Talk Talk, Prince and Tears For Fears respectively. Now eighties music is vintage. It's classic. The Police and Prince were just inducted into the Rock 'N Roll Hall of Fame. Today's artists openly acknowledge that the decade known for superficiality actually had an impact on the music scene decades later. Some people argue that the electronic sound popularized so much in my favorite decade goes against pure rock 'n roll. Perhaps it does technically, but not spiritually. Rock 'n roll made strides in rebellion in the fifties. The goofy synths from the eighties was rebellion from the standard rock practices of 30 years. Now, years later, the face of the music has eroded and the soul has surfaced. Wow! How dramatic was that statement? Anyway, long live my music and my people! Oh, and btw, on the day I heard the three songs on the countdown, guess which song was number one? It was actually "I Miss You" by Blink-182. Yeah, it's not one of the three, but the band openly admit that they wrote the song with the beat of "Lovecats" by The Cure in mind (see the symptoms of the cure). A few days later, "Lovesong," a Cure cover by 311 took the number one spot. (See? See? Jersey Girl, Blink, 311! The Cure are going to freaking take over the world!) So despite the above rant, I wanna just mention that the last two cds I bought were very recent releases. First off, Fever to Tell by Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The band is a trie consisting of a sort of Asian-looking female lead singer, a hyper drummer who looks like Max Weinberg and a cool guitarist who looks like a cross between Sid Vicious and one of those Easter Island heads. You may have heard "Maps" on the radio which I really do love especially after numerous listenings. I have no idea what the lyrics mean, but in the video she cries, so it must be important. The rest of the cd is harder to get used to, but I discovered something very important today: playing it LOUD makes it GOOD. I also picked up "Get Away From Me" by Nellie McKay. The title is a silly play on the name of Norah Jones's first album. According to the sticker on the front, Nellie is a cross between Doris Day and Eminem. I dunno if that's the best way to describe her, but at least it gives you an idea. She only raps on one song, so I'd say she's more like Doris Day, but she sometimes sings like a swearing sailor. You'll have to hear her. I think she's totally groovy. Anyway, you can download a couple of songs from these artists on my downloads page. It's okay. I know you. It's not illegal. Also speaking of music, it is of my opinion that "The Reason" by Hoobastank gets the award for "The Dumbest Song Yet Written." March Madness has hit and once again, I've failed. For my picks bracket I use a lot of logic, but probably too much faith. Every year I pick BYU and Charlotte to go more than one round. For the past four years BYU and Charlotte have done nothing but disappoint me. Everyone must read the graphic novel known as Watchmen. Awsomest. Comic book. Ever. Period. My latest other toy is an MP3 player. The sucker's tiny! I thought of something to describe how small it is, but the example is inappropriate. It fits a couple of hours of music and I take it snowboarding now. Pretty cool. You know how I said that I feel terribly old? Well sometimes things happen that make me feel young. Sometimes. (28mar04)

flashback: 3 March 2002 It feels like someone else is using my life-energy for their own pursuits. I hope whoever it is will make whatever it is worthwhile. the minority report I live in absolute terror because of the folks who are supposed to keep me safe. Do racial minorities feel this way? Before I go on with all my legal woes and all that, I'll just admit up front that I did speed. Okay, if you read that like took drugs, that's not what I meant. I meant I was in my car exceeding the posted speed limit (not while taking speed). Now let me go on being a whiny hypocrite by complaining about cops. The week of Christmas on a Monday -- I guess it was the 22nd of December -- I got pulled over by the good men in blue of the SFPD (Spanish Fork Police Department) just after 11 p.m. I was zooming through town after work a bit too quick and my headlight was also out. I explained that my light was on earlier and I thought it was an electrical problem, not a bulb problem. Since it was the holiday season, the guy gave me a break and didn't write out a ticket. Thanks, man.The next day, in the same part of town at about the same time, he didn't give me a break. He asked me if I knew my headlight was out and I replied that he had told me the night before. This time he actually wrote me up for speeding. After being pulled over two days in a row by the same guy, I started feeling just a little bit targeted. I'd heard a little bit about profiling and began to wonder. Could they suddenly be going after white males in their twenties driving white Toyota Corollas? Two days later, Spanish Fork gave me a break. This time the Salem Police flagged me off the road. The guy asked if I knew my headlight was out. As calm as I could, I responded the same way I had the other two times I was pulled over that week. After he checked out my registration and everything, he came back to inform me that there was a warrant out for my arrest. Strangely, I wasn't aware of this. Apparently the arrestable offense came about a year earlier from another speeding incident in Lehi. I remembered the incident, but didn't remember to pay. This is understandable since last I had checked my driving record, the incident was absent. So instead of arresting me, the Salem cop said it would be easier if we took care of the fine that night with a county deputy. He radioed a nearby K-9 unit to meet us at the Tesoro down the road, then he escorted me there. The reason we had to go to the Tesoro was because I had to get change from the bills I had to withdraw from the ATM. I owed $195 and they wouldn't take a tip. When I went into the store, the clerk asked if I knew if a cop was staking me out. The punk customer and the toothless old bicyclist customer then asked what the cop wanted and I said he nabbed me for some past crimes. Punk and the toothless guy breathed sighs of relief, then all of them consoled me about my plight. It sort of felt good stickin' together against the Man with the late night underworld. After I paid the K-9 deputy and smiled nervously at the dog they gave me a receipt. The receipt was a huge relief since up until now the whole situation seemed a whole lot like a massive full-force bribe. The next Sunday I was on my way to the house of my good friend Erin (whom I've mentioned in the past). This time the Provo police nabbed me. He asked if I knew my headlight was out and I responded in a ridiculously calm manner considering my situation. He gave me a fix-it citation which meant that if I didn't get the light fixed within the month, I'd get a ticket for it. Now, as I mentioned before, I live in terror. I like to think that most law-abiding people see a cop and they're grateful they have some protection in their community. I see a cop and I see the potential for my own personal oppression. Granted, they did catch me speeding, but that doesn't change the fact that I go into an instant panic every time I see a cop even when I'm obeying the law (which is really about 99% of the time). I used to calmly drive wherever I wanted. Now there are certain places on I-15 that always frighten me. UVSC, Thanksgiving Point, the Humane Society and the AutoMall all have flashing electronic billboards that look an awful lot like police lights at a glance in rear view mirrors. I panic when I pass these places every night. On the first of March SFPD pulled me over for speeding again. It was at 11:15 and I was heading to the BYU-Utah basketball game which had started at 10. I finished work a little late and wanted to catch the second half of the game at the Marriott Center. He asked where I was going and I was surprised to learn that he had no idea about the game. When he arrived back at my car he informed me that I was driving with a suspended license because of a certain Lehi incident. I very calmly told him that such a thing was impossible. I had a receipt and everything. I was told to have the information on my court date. If they go through with suspending my license, I'm in serious, serious trouble. You can't just catch a bus from downtown Salt Lake to Neways in Salem. I've admitted to breaking the law, but please let me gripe just a little bit starting right now. In my opinion, there is a HUGE difference between going 50 down Spanish Fork's Main Street at 11 p.m. and going down the same street at 4 p.m. Somehow busting me at least three times for being the only person on the road is important to these people. Have you ever been on Spanish Fork's Main Street? It's like University Avenue. Have you ever been on a really wide road when you're the only one there? How fast do you go then? I have friends. They'll vouch for me. I drive incredibly slow. I'm courteous to other drivers. I'm safe. Surely I don't get too much credit for the amount of accidents I've been in that have been my fault (zero) or even for accidents I've been in that WEREN'T my fault (zero). Surely nobody can complain that I wasn't driving courteously on the nights in question. What kind of person becomes a cop anyway? I hear it's kind of a hard job to enjoy unless you enjoy inflicting pain. What kind of person enjoys inflicting pain on someone like me? I have a huge animosity for cops now. Maybe I don't have much reason. I shudder to think of what animosity exists for people who get pulled over all the time who don't deserve to as much as I do. If this phenomenon truly does happen to minorities, as a white male, I'm really really sorry. I wish only legitimate criminals could look at cops in fear. Anyway, cops and the cities of Spanish Fork and Lehi are on my bad list. For the next week I will not sponsor or endorse any of these parties. I know a week isn't very much, but I always eat at the Spanish Fork Teriyaki Stix even though they're usually out of curry (which is worth another rant itself). Spanish Fork also has a really dirty five dollar Chinese buffet that I really love. But Lehi's Thanksgiving Point? Hah! What a joke! After this last incident, someone at work told me that Spanish Fork cops are the worst in the state for pulling people over. That's good to know now. (4mar04)

flashback: 27 February 200326 Candles. I figured I wouldn't plan anything for my birthday so that I'd get depressed without actually excerting much effort. Before I say anything else, I just wanna give some deserved props to my cutie pal, Erin. After I did the usual Valentine's Day rant, Erin and I actually spent the holiday together and had a really fabulous time. I should've mentioned her as long as i was mentioning Valentine's Day. I wasn't lying when I said I'd spent the last 26 alone. I guess mentioning her would've taken away some of the bitterness associated with the holiday. Well, Erin, thanks for taking away some of the bitterness! The girl is actually a pretty decent photographer (and book binder and mural artist), so if you want her to do a wedding or something, um... let me know I guess. I haven't asked her if I could put her number on my site yet. Well, maybe in the future. In the meantime, I'm gonna put a link to some of her photographs in the sponsors section. anyway... ...i got so old i felt like i could die I'm old. I'll be older on Friday -- my birthday. My golden birthday. Turning 27 on February 27. Yes, I know. This is where you say, "C'mon! 27 is not old. Don't even think about calling yourself old yet! You don't even seem old! You're totally young!" I know. I realized that before you even said it. I agree completely, which is strangely why I feel so old. I still love cartoons. I watch them all the time. I've never worried about outgrowing them, in fact for a while i wanted to create my own. I still dabble in video games. Whenever I get together with people I'm not interested in catching up, I just wanna play board games with them. I'm still pretty shy around girls. These are traits of a 13-year-old kid. I feel 13. But do I feel young? Not at all. I'm starting to realize that getting old isn't just about having your kidneys fail or taking naps or forgetting things. Getting old is feeling young, despite age. I could act young for the rest of my life, but it wouldn't change my age. I feel old because most of my friends my age are married. I feel old because people who were 14 years old when I was 22 are now more mature than I am. I feel old because the freshman girls I mentored in college are having children. I feel old because when it gets just a little warmer, I'm going to put on my Skechers roller skates and skate through the sidewalk fountains at the Gateway Mall. The people my age are busy toiling with life. The people younger than me are through being kids too. The people younger than that, kids these days, like Hoobastank and Jerry Bruckheimer movies. I feel like a kid, but I can't relate to kids. I can't relate to my own peers. I'm old because I'm 13 inside, but I'm literally nearly 27. I'm old because I don't belong anywhere. I'm old because life is going faster and faster and it's passing me by and i'm closer to being 50 than an infant, but I still feel like a little kid in the middle of everything. I'm so old because I'm so young. I don't think i'll change, though. However... my birthday is on Friday. If you're reading this, I wouldn't mind receiving something from you. As long as I'm talking, here are a few ideas:
video: Seasons of M*A*S*H, Simpsons and Transformers are all on DVD right now. I have a bad feeling that M*A*S*H is going to stop airing on broadcast television soon, so I wanna stock up on some of the best episodes. Also cartoons and sci-fi are pretty nice games: I own a Playstation 2. There's a game I kind of want called Karaoke Revolution (I think!). It's where you karaoke a song and then the Playstation actually judges how well you sing! I hear it's pretty fun. Also, although I said I feel like a 13-year-old boy, I'm physically older than 17, so don't hesitate to buy me a game that's rated "M." clothing: Right now I'm looking for a good brownish long sleeve tee to go with my new shoes. Other hip clothes are fine, but I don't wear baseball hats. My shirt size is medium. My pants size is 30". My shoe size is 8.5 (U.S.A.). Also if you can find a decent pin-stripe polyester suit, I'd like one of those. NO fur or leather for these clothing products please. food: Gift certificates to just about any Asian-style food would work fabulously. I also consume a lot of Ho-Hos and Oreos when I'm at home. software: Adobe Premiere is the movie editing program that I'd like to get my hands on. music: lets see: cd's I've thought about getting, but haven't purchased yet: the White Stripes' self titled, Fever to Tell by Yeah Yeah Yeahs, that Postal Service cd, the new O.C. soundtrack, maybe some old school jazz. literature: comic books (the funny ones and the graphic novel ones) are always totally bonus. Sci-fi usually works. I wouldn't mind reading a romantic novel. History books are cool if they have lots of war pictures. Obviously, some web-design help books would see some use :) misc: Some nice aftershave. The guy's stuff at Victoria's Secret might be cool. It's sort of pricey. Oh, it can't be the aftershave gel. Since I actually still have facial hair, I need it to be aftershave splash. cash: Any amount. thanks! (24feb04)

valentine's day, 2004 edition flashback:12 February 2003 Already bad omens of Valentine's Day are looming terribly.I don't really like Valentine's Day. Most people know I'm not affectionate. Most people know I'm not usually serious. Most people know I'm pretty cheap too. However, I've always felt that the day has tremendous potential. The real reason I say I hate it is because I've spent the last 26 Valentine's Days alone. Honestly, while I don't have some essential Valentine's Day qualities, I do have others. I'm very sensitive. I enjoy candy. I'm very good-looking. The problem is, I don't exude love or loveliness. I believe in it, but it's not worth faking (like I suppose many people do to get what they want on Valentine's Day). I didn't always believe in love. Just a couple of years ago I went around telling people that love is pure selfishness. If being kind to someone makes us happy, then we're kind to get ourselves happy. Ultimately, we only feel what we, ourselves, feel. We don't really feel what someone else feels, not without some kind of astral projection. Since then, I've changed my mind. Maybe it's because I've stopped being happy when I'm kind to people. So now I believe in love, because it hurts. It's real. I think a lot of people still look at romance and how it helps themselves. I am romantic. Really. But I see romance in weird ways, which is probably why I'm alone every year (well, one of several reasons). To illustrate, I wanna talk about a few of my very favorite love stories from the ages. Each story has a virtue I think is worth mentioning. Selflessness -- George and Mary from It's a Wonderful Life I'm not cheap just to be cheap. I've never associated romance with extravagance. Ironically, I think one reason I don't do really fancy things very often is because I've seen so many romantic movies. In 99% of all romantic movies, the main characters learn that since they have each other they don't need all the fancy stuff money can buy. Some people see a chateau in Europe and think romantic thoughts. I see a shack next to a swamp and think how wonderful life would be in such a place provided I had someone to love and share it with. Love makes extravagance meaningless. That was sort of a tangent. The point is, all George Bailey wanted to do was to get out of Bedford Falls and take his new wife with him all over the world. He saved up a couple thousand dollars and the newlyweds were on the way out of town when the family savings and loan suddenly ran into trouble. When George stayed to fix things, Mary, still holding the money, volunteered it to bail the business out. That night, the couple began their honeymoon in an old vacant house in the town they were so anxious to leave.Strangely, it was wonderful. Mary told George it's what she always wanted. I always thought Mary was so so sexy after she sacrificed her honeymoon fund to help out the town. The weird thing about this couple is that they love each other so much, but they go on to care about others after they latched on to each other. You can't say that about too many people. I tend to notice that when couples hook up and claim to be in love, their world becomes a population of each other and no one else. Devotion -- Connor and Heather from Highlander I didn't always like the movie Highlander. I think it was about the fourth time I caught it on TNT on a solitary Saturday night when I realized how good it is. Anway, for those of you who don't know what it's about, there's this guy named Connor from like 12th century Scotland. As a young man he learns from his mentor that he's one of a very select group of immortals on earth who don't age or die. So he's cursed to be forever young. Yeah, tough life. Anyway, he meets Heather, a spunky little Scottish bird. Connor's mentor tells him that he needs to dump the girl, because of the disparity in their life spans. Connor doesn't listen and he falls in love with Heather and the two live in a cute little Scottish cottage. In a touching scene we see the years go by as Connor stays the same and Heather ages into an old woman. We see Connor still give her affection after she physically becomes old enough to be his grandmother. We see Connor still cry over her as a lost lover would when she finally dies an ancient and frail woman. The guy had several outs if he wanted them. How hard could it be to get away from an old woman? The point is, he didn't even consider leaving her after she became less than useful to him. He wanted to be devoted when he didn't have to be. Faith -- Lister and Kochanski from Red Dwarf Lister became the last man in the universe after awakening from millions of years of sleep in stasis on a deep space mining vessel. The guy sure was a positive romantic though. All he ever talked about his hologram crewmate and the lifeform that evolved from his cat was a woman named Christine Kochanski. She was another crew member on the ship, but, like everyone else, had died millions of years earlier. Lister still had some amount of faith that somehow, as big as the universe was, he'd be able to have another chance with her. Fate, he thought, was on his side even if the odds that someone returning to life after millions of years were pretty astronomical. In true science fiction storydom, the person named Kochanski miraculously somehow appeared in Lister's time and space. She joined Lister's crew. She got to know him... and she hated him. Incidentally, the best Depeche Mode cd is called Songs of Faith and Devotion. It's worth a few paragraphs by itself. I'll just say this about it: the title is very fitting, but not they way you might think so. I'll talk about that later. So, yeah. These stories get to me. They're beautiful. Happy Valentine's Day. (13feb04)

rolling stoned pt. 2 flashback:1 February, 1995 Heather told me that Megan said that I was "Ultimate Babe Potential." I thought it was incredible, but still I'd rather be "Ultimate Babe Kinetic."Ok, here's where I talk about some of the albums I don't own which appear on Rolling Stone's sacred list. Click here to view the details of the albums I do own. the albums i don't own #1- Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band by The Beatles
The Beatles actually had 11 slots out of the 500 -- 2% of the entire list! Four of them were in the top ten. I'm just gonna talk about it all right here. I actually don't like Sgt. Pepper very much. At least not nearly as much as the white album (which was number ten and should've been higher). Rolling Stone got a bit of guff about this one. Everybody has a favorite Beatles album they wanted at the top, and I guess the magazine had to put The Beatles at the top as to not be musically blasphemous. That's something to be said of the band. There isn't one record that vastly outshines the other ones. If anybody thinks this one is it, at least I disagree if nobody else does. They could've done without putting them in ten more times though. For the record, the title track is one of the most annoying songs in history. Also, "Revolution 9" on the white album is equally as annoying, but has a sort of prophetic sampling hooky charm to it that I've come to love over the years. #8- London Calling by The Clash
The Clash triumphantly emerged from the ashes of 70's punk with this album. What I really like about The Clash is the fact that they started out as a punk band, but experimented and progressed, ultimately evolving into something beyond punk. One of my very favorites appears on this album, "Lost in the Supermarket." Very, very non-punk, but also very refreshing. My biggest complaint about punk in general is how un-progressive it is. The Clash showed how to maintain punk ideals and energy while moving in new directions. #17- Nevermind by Nirvana
I remember "Smells Like Teen Spirit" very well. I used to hear it on the radio once a day. The next week it was all over the place. At the time, alternative music was involved in a minor civil war. The eighties just finished and the synth revolution was winding down. Even the British were plugging their guitars back in. Groups like Blur were just getting started at this point. Nirvana really broke it open though. The pop-sound of Britain didn't adjust fast enough and the revolution against electronic music and hair metal converged with Nirvana. As a result, music today still retains some of the rust of grunge. I really like Nirvana. I think that they were not only the first great grunge band, but they were also the most original. Despite all this I've always been a bit mad at how the early nineties musical revolution turned out. At the time, I had just gotten into eighties music and was optimistic about the future of modern music (what we called alternative back then). After 1991, most musical trends annoyed me. Nevermind is actually Nirvana's second album, but their first with Dave Grohl. I've wondered if the guy behind Foo Fighters helped Nirvana develop a more mainstream sound with Nevermind. Although I like In Utero more, this album yielded "Lithium," my favorite from the band. The song really showcases Kurt Cobain's use of sonic contrast. The quietness sounds more intimate and the loudness sounds more meaningful when they're right next to each other. #41 Never Mind the Bollocks Here's the Sex Pistols
Hey, isn't it funny that this one winds up right below Nevermind? Anyway, here's an example of an album that everyone goes on and on about how influential it is, but nobody actually listens to. Hearing "Anarchy in the U.K." with a totally objective mind results in disappointment. The Sex Pistols enjoyed some really great timing (much like Nirvana). Disco and prog-rock had to go by the time they hit the scene. They weren't the first to revolt, but they made the biggest and loudest splash. Surprisingly, many audience members from the pistols' live shows went on to form some really really spectacular bands (The Clash, Joy Division, etc.). Although to me, their sound is a joke, at the time, they were exactly what a music scene and a nation needed. #152 The B52's
One of my best friends from junior high adored The B52's. When we were 15 we saw them live. This was right after Cosmic Thing became huge, but surprisingly, they played two songs from this album to end the show ("Planet Claire" and "Rock Lobster"). The early classics really made the rest of the band's repertoire pretty phony-sounding. By 1989, I think the band was a little sick of Ricky Wilson as a songwriter. After his death, they came together for Cosmic Thing, which made them sort of mainstream-camp. Btw, Violent Femmes opened for The B52's for this particular show. That was one of the only shows I've been to where the opening band totally outshone the headliners. Hey, where were the Violent Femmes on the Rolling Stone list? Their self-titled not making it is a complete travesty. #157- Closer by Joy Division
Joy Division's story fascinates me. I guess Ian Curtis was smart in killing himself before the act became sort of pretentious. Take note everybody: commit suicide before your band becomes popular. That way, kids like me will be fascinated with your story (but not quite fascinated enough to buy your albums). Also fascinating is the reformation of the band as New Order and the new directions they took. #193- Dookie by Green Day
Every once in a while a band rides its own coattails. Dookie was so good that the mediocre stuff they've released since (and before) still became popular. Some of my friends say I under-rate the non-Dookie stuff. I still maintain that not one song by the band is near as good as the best six songs from this cd. #200- The Downward Spiral by Nine Inch Nails
The most popular NIN album, but definately not the one that belongs on the list. Trent Reznor is a lot more interesting sounding like he's on the brink of self-destruction (as he sounded before this album) rather than wallowing in it. I am glad "Hurt" was written. I like the Johnny Cash version a lot more, but at least Reznor had the decency to write it. #202- Bad by Michael Jackson
I guess as successful as the guy's been I'm not supposed to feel too sorry for him. I guess with all the crap people have given him over the years, the fact that this album should have been way higher on the list shouldn't be the reason I feel sorry for him. Thriller, of course, sold more, but I think Bad had more hit singles. The songs deserved to be hit singles too ("Dirty Diana" is pretty over the top, but you still sing along to it). This was when he really started to get into himself. I think Bad would be classic today if Michael didn't promote himself so much and just let everybody hear the music. The fake tough guy pose on the cover, the 17-minute video of himself pretending to be a gangsta and the self-inscribing himself as "bad" could only hurt in the long run. #207- Ten by Pearl Jam
I grabbed the image of this cd and put it in this table without knowing what to say about it. I guess I felt obligated since Pearl Jam was so huge when I was a teen-ager. I will say this: I still listen to "Alive" all the way through if I hear it on the radio and I haven't already heard it on the radio that day. #209- Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd
The only thing I have to say about this one is that Z-93 (a classic rock station that for some reason switched to country music when I was in high school (I was sad to see it go, but it did represent a victory against all my friends who loved classic rock and would have nothing to do with my modern ways)) used to have a greatest albums countdown every year. I guess every year, this album was number one. #216- The Queen Is Dead by The Smiths
What a fabulous way to end the band known as The Smiths. I love how the band chose the quirky "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others" as their closing song instead of the track before, my personal favorite Smith's song of all time, "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out." The pop of Marr and the gloom of Morrissey come together so well, you don't even realize how big you're smiling when you're depressed as you are. #252- Metallica
I liked the black album the first time, when it was called Smell the Glove. Hey! Speaking of, where's Spinal Tap on the list? "Big Bottom" alone should've sealed it. Anyways, Metallica is a very talented group, but I only like "Enter Sandman." Yeah, I guess it's my problem. Oh well. Everyone I know adores Metallica more than I do. #256- The Velvet Rope by Janet Jackson
Huh? You guys at Rolling Stone get a bit lazy? Room for this, but not for Violent Femmes or Spinal Tap? Did I say 'huh?' already? #261- Tracy Chapman
Okay, "Fast Car" is incredibly moving. I love that song a lot. It honestly does get me... BUT has anyone heard any other song from this album? #268- Psycho Candy by The Jesus and Mary Chain
Rolling Stone typoed the title of this one. I love JMC. Not all eighties music was synth. These guys put a lot of soulful energy into their muddy guitar sound. "Coast to Coast," "Head On," "Far Gone and Out" and "Sometimes Always" are true guitar classics. Unfortunately, none of those songs are on Psycho Candy. The album actually kinda sucks. #286- Los Angeles by X
Somehow X became a sort of spokesband for west coast punk in the eightees. I don't know how. Must be their clever name. I saw them once on a PBS special called "The History of Rock 'n Roll." John Doe said he was pretty disgusted with some of their fans who sang along to "Johnny Hit and Run Paulene" (an anti-rape song). I thought he was kind of stupid, since the song sounds like any other chanting punk song. Had he really wanted to make a good anti-rape song he should've at least stuck with some minor chords to at least sound like he was being serious about the subject. #297- Weezer
This was in my cd player for a year when I borrowed it from someone, I can't remember who. I hated them the first time I heard "Undone (The Sweater Song)." "Buddy Holly" charmed me, though, and I gave them a chance. The other songs are even better. It feels good to be a nerd. One time I was listening to KOHS and they played "Only In Dreams" twice in a half hour time span. I love high school radio! "The World Has Turned and Left Me Here" gets the award for the best Weezer song I've never heard on the radio. #310- BloodSugarSexMagic by Red Hot Chili Peppers
They peaked here with their funk, but unfortunately, after "Under the Bridge" everyone got a taste for their ultra-lame emotional side. Now I hear "Soul to Squeeze" every day on the radio since the band hit it big with a slow one. Give me the days before this album, when RHCP were all about just diggin' into some serious punk-funk. #311- MTV Unplugged in New York by Nirvana
Thanks Nirvana, for testifying that old farts like Bowie are worth something to your fans. #312- The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill by Lauryn Hill
I also borrowed this cd for a year. Mostly to listen to the hook of "Everything is Everything" over and over. I love that song so much, I title my web pages after it. The other songs are okay too I guess, but the chatter between each song perpetuated a really annoying trend in album production. #322- Ghost in the Machine by The Police
I pretty much included this one because it has my favorite album cover. Reminds me of our first VCR. Digital was so big in the early eighties and personifying it is just genius. Anyway, does anyone think "Every Little Thing She Does is Magic" belongs on a different Police cd? It's one of their best, but it's out of place with the apocalyptic-sounding "Spirits in the Material World," "Invisible Sun" and "Demoltion Man." #336- Superunknown by Soundgarden
Grunge at its height. On one of their other albums they had a song called "Loud Love." This cd is "loud lows." I adore "Fell on Black Days" and "Just Like Suicide." "My Wave" is great too, when you aren't in as bad a mood. #341- Play by Moby
You know what I love about Moby's sampling style? He builds fabulous techno beats around a gospel song or something, then during the course of the song he'll remove his own influence. By this time we're so drawn into the music that the original sample sounds fresh and soulful. He led us in when we would've tuned out without his help. "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad?" is my favorite. #399- Californication by Red Hot Chili Peppers
The slow crapfest ignited by BloodSugarSexMagik comes to full fruition. Thankfully they get funkier on their next one. #447- Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! by Devo
I just found out that their name means de-evolution. The philosophy is that mankind is actually evolving in reverse. I guess the band is supposed to represent the de-evolution condition. Besides all that, their version of "Satisfaction" is the best cover ever. #466- Live Through This by Hole
My friend J.R. used to crack me up by randomly uttering the phrase, "Jon, someday you will ache like I ache." #473- A Rush of Blood to the Head by Coldplay
Why don't I have this cd? It's wonderful. If you're sick of "Clocks" go download "Politik" and "God Put a Smile Upon Your Face." #494- She's So Unusual by Cyndi Lauper
I've always been so annoyed by Cyndi Lauper because of the phrase "she's so unusual." I see absolutely no point in being weird on purpose. If people are naturally weird, that's fine; but if you have to tell people you're weird, you're only posing. 496- Destroyer by Kiss
My brother had the cover of Destroyer in his room somewhere. I think it was a songbook or a poster or something. It scared me to death. I would be afraid to even go near it. I thought for sure if I went to Hell it would be the guys from Kiss who'd actually grab me and take me there. It's kind of funny how I sort of think Kiss are a bunch of pansies now. #500- Touch by Eurythmics
Why don't I have more Eurythmics cds? Do I know a bad Eurythmics song? Annie's voice is just beautiful, especially on "Who's That Girl?" Another great example of bringing soul to electronic music.

What a great way to end the list!

the symptoms of the cureLast night (well it seems like last night even though officially it was two nights ago since i'm writing this at three in the morning) I got a call from my favorite music store, MODified Music. I guess MODified is my only friend in Salt Lake City that really cares about me (or my money) enough to invite me to a party. The event was the midnight release party of the new Cure boxed set of b-sides. flashback:31 January 2001 According to Emode, my wedding date will be Saturday, June 21, 2003 So I decided to go to this party for several reasons. One, I work until 11 every night and so midnight is when I'm most awake. Two, If anybody showed up at all, I knew they'd be "my people." Three, MODified also said that a very limited edition poster would be available to the first few people who bought the box. I at least wanted to see the poster before I didn't buy it. I walked into the place at 12:30 noticing that only two employees and one of their friends were there. After asking for an example of the limited edition poster, MODified said, "Well, it looked like this." Apparently, all the posters were already gone. My obvious shock wasn't because I was out a poster, but because my people really did exist -- and they left without me. This event hardly seems worth mentioning, but I have other reasons for mentioning The Cure at this time. I have my reasons to think that one of my favorite bands, which has been hated by many of my peers, is on the brink of ultra-cool success. Has anyone read the liner notes to the new Blink-182 cd? Blink mentions in two very separate passages how they're huge Cure fans. Apparently, the ideas for the instrumentality of the song "I Miss You" came after the band listened to The Cure's "Lovecats." Blink also actually hired Cure lead singer Robert Smith to collaborate on the writing and vocals to "All of This," which is also on the new Blink cd. The band, A Perfect Circle listened to The Cure's Disintigration during the recording of The Thirteenth Step. Proof of this is found especially in the tracks "The Noose," "Vanishing" and "Gravity" (although "Gravity" seems to sound a bit more like "Sinking" from The Cure's Head on the Door). 311 recently covered "Lovesong," a staple of the aforementioned Disintigration album. I can't explain why today's popular musicians are suddenly pushing a band known for its 80's material. I can say, though, that this new Cure awareness is a very good thing. I also have no doubt that these popular bands of today are sincere in their devotion to the gloom masters of the 80's. Since The Cure will stage a huge comeback and will be popular again, I've composed a short list of what you need to know about the band, as well as what you need to do to become a true Cure devotee. This is for your benefit. You'll be more able to fit into a world that has embraced the gloom gods of classic alternative music. 1. Don't freak out about the depressing stuff the band is famous for. You must realize that The Cure recorded all sorts of different types of songs. Robert Smith specialized in the miserable stuff, but his musical prowess shined in his pop songs. You may already know "Just Like Heaven," but get to know "The Caterpillar," "Inbetween Days," "Close to Me," "Mint Car" and one you've really never heard, "Doing the Unstuck." 2. Enjoy the positivity of some great love songs. Barry Manilow? Richard Marx? Bah! Nobody can write a good love song like Robert Smith. Many are very sweet and innocent like "Catch." Others, like "High," are just plain dreamy. 3. Let The Cure rock you! For my money, The Cure can wail with the best of them (certainly better than Billy Corgan ever could). Listen to the surprise track from Mixed Up called "Never Enough." Then listen to "Open," the first song on Wish. Make sure you play them loud. 4. Check out the eclecticism. Robert Smith's voice is very distinctive, so you always know when it's a Cure song, but you don't always know from the music itself. Many Cure songs draw on strange varieties of musical influences. "The Blood" has some really groovy Spanish guitar. "The 13th" is rooted with Mexican brass. "Hot Hot Hot!!!" is all about jazz. And "Push" just has a really cool guitar sound that I've never heard before. 5. Start with Head on the Door. This album is a good mix of pop, love, experimentalization and is only ten tracks long. It's also my personal favorite. When you're done with that, move on to Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me and Wish. By this time you can handle a few tracks from Wild Mood Swings, as well as the early singles. 6. Embrace the depressing stuff the band is famous for. Now you can go ahead and listen to Disintigration in its entirety. Turn it up. Just because it's depressing, it doesn't mean your neighbors don't need to hear it too (there's actually a disclaimer on the liner notes to this cd that say it was recorded to be played loud). You may actually be surprised that such depressing music can be so therapudic as well. Do the above six steps before you realize that there is a really good chance that The Cure may be one of those bands that is still popular amongst musicians, but will probably actually never make a big comeback. Oh, by the way, I did get that Cure poster. MODified scrounged and they had one left. That also means I got the boxed set, which I actually meant not to buy. It is, however, bloody brilliant. (28jan04)

rolling stoned pt.1 Did anybody catch the December 11 edition of Rolling Stone? If your computer monitor is too poor to perceive the above jpeg, the issue listed the "500 GREATEST ALBUMS OF ALL TIME." We all know how much I adore lists. Proudly, I own 3.8% of the 500, but for the most part I did a lot of disagreeing. I'm willing to share my thoughts on the matter in three distinct sections: the ones i own, the ones i wanna talk about, and the ones that should've made it. flashback: Wednesday, 22 January, 2003 if you forget about me, I'll probably stop existing completely. #20- Thriller by Michael Jackson
I'm very surprised that this is so far down the list. Although, I'm not a huge fan and I don't listen to my vinyl of this as much as I should, the production is achingly beautiful. Also, "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" is included in the Vice City Soundtrack. #26- The Joshua Tree by U2
Strangely, I bought this CD after I already read the Rolling Stone list. I've always loved it though. The deep cuts like "Running to Stand Still," "Red Hill Mining Town" and "In God's Country" outshine even the really popular songs from this album. I also have a special place in my heart for "One Tree Hill," since it's a hill in New Zealand. #46- Legend by Bob Marley
I believe that Rolling Stone cheated by picking this one as well as all other greatest hits albums the magazine picked.. Greatest hits albums aren't cohesive moments of musical consciousness in the same way as individually released albums are. Nevertheless, this is one of the best greatest hits packages ever. Totally full of grooves and dance music with messages. #62- Achtung Baby by U2
My sister-in-law's sister gave me this tape when the two of us sat next to each other in ninth grade biology. I have no idea why she didn't want it, but in my opinion her giving it to me was a big mistake on her part. Although I now prefer The Joshua Tree to this one, Achtung Baby did a great job of bringing some of my classic-rock friends into listening to a more modern sound. #72- Purple Rain by Prince and the Revolution
For the most part, the movie sucks pretty bad. The musical sequences in the movie are brilliant, though. This one deserves to be considered Prince's best. It's very varied. How can "Take Me With You," "When the Doves Cry" and "Let's Go Crazy" all come from the same source at one point in history? #162- OK Computer by Radiohead
I probably prefer Kid A, maybe. You really have to be in a special mood to listen to Radiohead. My friend gave this one to me for my birthday and it took me years to get into it. I listened to it for a while after that and it was wonderful, but now I'm out of the mood again. #197- Murmer by R.E.M.
I bought this one before I knew that musical journalists heralded it as the best R.E.M. I'm sure they're all just talk. The songs don't come close to some of the early 90's stuff the band did. I never hear them mention the songs specifically. It must just be cool to talk about it as cool. I actually bought it because Mike Mills claimed that the song "Perfect Circle" was the first song to emotionally move him. It's a great song, but I still don't understand it. #221- War by U2
I got this vinyl in New Zealand. Honestly, I mostly love the cover. I'm surprized this one made it in. Rolling Stone has a serious crush on U2 to include All That You Can't Leave Behind and Boy as well. Seconds is a pretty cool tune, though. #247- Automatic for the People by R.E.M
It's really good. Most people would say it's better than Out of Time, but I disagree. I disagree vehemently especially since Out of Time didn't make the list at all. Still, Try Not to Breathe is one of my very very favorites. #278- The Immaculate Collection by Madonna
Once again, greatest hits album -- cheating! Still, if you don't have it, you're not human. If nothing else, this collection proves that her music will long outlive her public character. #326- Disintigration by The Cure
The South Park kids say this is the greatest album ever made. It's kind of funny how there are Cure fans everywhere, but not enough to make the band the mainstream phenomenon they could've been. This album is considered the darkest of the dark. I prefer my Cure with touches of pop -- that way the dark songs seem even darker. #342- Violator by Depeche Mode
Good. It made it. The fact that this album made the list prevented me from personally complaining to the magazine. Certainly, this is the Depeche Mode one that deserves to be noted. Its mere nine songs never disappoint. Its smooth electric sound is balanced by just enough production grit. The cover is cool and simple. It's the last great album of the eighties (even thought it came out in 1990). Oh, and Halo is my favorite song ever. #361- Substance by New Order
CHEATING! New Order makes it difficult, however. They had enough of an impact on popular music to get recognized, but there isn't one album they had that really tells us that. Unfortunately, my favorite New Order projects came along after this particular greatest hits package came about. Oh well, at least they got recognized. Go Blue Monday! #363- Ray of Light by Madonna
The only reason I have this one is because when I was a part of Columbia House, this was the featured CD of the month and I forgot to send in the little card. I will say this though - Madonna did a great job of showing that techno can have emotion to it. #367- Is This It by The Strokes
I really love this one, but I think in a few years Rolling Stone is gonna wonder why they pushed The Strokes as much as they did. #390- Elephant by The White Stripes
It's fitting that The White Stripes are nestled right next to The Strokes. This album is great, but it's just their breakout, not their best. The songs on White Blood Cells are much more memorable. Of course, it still is a really fabulous album. Minimalism rules. Who'd of thought that bass didn't matter that much? #413- Beauty and the Beat by The Go-Gos
I have it on vinyl. I've never listened to it. #442- Boys Don't Cry by The Cure
Rolling Stone failed to mention that this first Cure release was the only American album to showcase the original bassist, Michael Dempsey. Dempsey moved the band toward a blues groove, but I guess Robert Smith went against it. Dempsey was taken out of the band and Smith hired his old friend, Simon Gallup who stayed with The Cure pretty much until today. Ever see a picture of the band? Gallup is the one who most looks like he belongs. Anyway, compare the basslines of "Accuracy" to "A Forest." That's the difference a Gallup makes (and still makes). #455- Synchronicity by The Police
Way down at 455? That's just plain silly. The two title tracks alone should put it in the 300s somewhere and "Every Breath You Take" should bump it into the late 100s at least. I heard today that that song is about the government. I don't believe it. Honestly, I don't. I think that has to be a total load. Oh! Oh! Also, it should move up another 20 spots for the line: "And every single meeting with his so-called superior is a humiliating kick in the crotch." part ii of rolling stoned: coming soon! (21jan04)

bikini kill "You actually paid $25 for a haircut?" "... Wait a minute. I got a haircut?" flashback: Wednesday, 19 January, 1994 Drama for 7th period was the icing of the German chocolate cake. I was moved into a pretty much complete Frosh class with pre-pubescent ladies' men, and hyper-hypo lesbians. Even the girl at the counter wore one. When she leaned against the desk, her boobs gave from the pressure. I wondered how much pressure it took before they started to hurt. She did the standard haircut appointment spiel. I was able to choose my stylist and everything just like at any other salon. I informed her that I'd never been in before, so I didn't have a stylist. Unlike any other salon, however, the appointment-girl then pointed out the individual employee business cards complete with glamorous photos of bikini-clad stylists to help me make my decision. I thought it would be more effective to show me photos of the haircuts the stylists had given, not photos of the stylists themselves. I felt too silly to make the decision on a visual criterion, so I let her make it. I had several reasons (or excuses) for going to Bikini Cuts. I wanted to go before the place got shut down by the conservative community. I wanted to go while I didn't have a girlfriend to tell me I couldn't. I wanted to go before I went bald. I decided a.s.a.p. was the best time. Honestly, though, as soon as I found out about the place, my curiosity about the very existence of it outdid my carnal desire to go there. The counter-chick set me up with Melissa. I had asked for a 9 a.m. haircut and Melissa was one of only two girls working that early on the day I went in. The other girl, Heather, was finishing up on a guy by the time I arrived. I was Melissa's first for that day, so I was hoping she was in the mood to talk. She was in the mood to talk, or at least seemed to be. When she started the haircut I immediately barraged her with all my curiosities. We did the small talk thing. I found out she graduated high school in the same class as my cousin. It made me want to call my cousin up and say, "Hey Quinn, remember Melissa from high school? Did you know she cuts hair now?" I still have to get around to doing that. I noticed pretty early on that she had a ring on her left hand. When I asked her what her fiancé thought of what she did, she surprisingly informed me that she wasn't engaged, but married for a couple of years now. Apparently her husband was a little bit prickly about the situation when she started, but has since mellowed out. I imagine they as a couple were pretty pragmatic about the whole situation. They probably figured that she wasn't doing anything sexual to anyone anymore than she did when she went swimming. It's just a place where the girls cut hair, and they just have a weird uniform. Pragmatically, I had a lot of room to look at it in a positive way myself. Everything else aside, it was actually my most enjoyable haircut. She shampooed and conditioned giving a great scalp massage for both. After all the cutting was over, she rinsed my head again to get rid of most of the excess hair still lingering on my scalp. After all that, I got a warm towel treatment. Fortunately for me, these girls don't use their boobs for crutches. Of course it is a bit more complicated than that. I asked Melissa that surely they couldn't be an equal opportunity employer. She agreed and said that the place actually has an entertainment license, which means that they can hire on more physically-specific reasons. When she first joined on, and they had her cut a fake head of hair to make sure she knew what she was doing, she wore a bikini. With hiring practices like that, the place can't be "just a place to get haircuts." After a little prodding, I got Melissa to list off some pet peeves of her exclusive industry. Often, she says, she gets guys who ask about the "back room" or "additional services." Understandably, she says she doesn't have much patience for such types, but they are a minority. Even with seedy clientele like myself and the jerks who mention the back room, she never would admit that her job was degrading. She cuts hair and makes excellent tips, although she did mention that some girls were in a much higher tip bracket than others. Still, no complaints. When I first asked her about days she didn't want to come to work she simply said, "Well, sometimes it's hard to come in on cold days." By this time Crystal, the front desk girl, had huddled into a running hair-dryer chair to warm up. Strangely, I thought this was really cute. All the controversy of this place in a conservative part of Sandy (right next to a Smith's), and the cold is what the girls worry about. Heather is now finished with her appointment and chimes in when I start asking about the place being a step back for feminism. "This place was started by women, and it's run by women," she says. "If someone complains about this place, they're destroying what women have built up." While she was rattling on about the critics, she also complained about the clientele just a little. She said sometimes clients will ask for a stylist who doesn't have a boyfriend. "Does it matter?" she asks rhetorically. Bethany Prince wasn't there. I wish I had the chance to talk to Bethany. She's another stylist and is also the one who thought of the whole idea. If I go back, I'd have to go when she was there. On the way out, I asked Crystal about her fiancé (her diamond ring was huge). She said that he loved the place and has Bikini Cuts bumper stickers all over his car. There was another guy in there talking to some of the girls. I don't think he wanted a haircut, he knew them. Maybe he was an investor or something. He said aloud, "I don't know what kind of guy would love his girlfriend to work here!" I wondered what kind of guy this Crystal chick was hanging out with as well. After I left, I thought about what Heather said about the romantic status of the stylists mattering. I decided that it did. Certainly, the majority of the men who go in there don't expect to hook up with anybody, but they do plan on doing some friendly flirting. Even with the odds against them, it's a lot more fun to flirt with a single girl than it is with an engaged one. I thought a little bit about power. I, myself, probably wouldn't mind getting lusted after. I imagine that women in general don't really feel too bad when they're getting ogled. It's just a question about where the power lies, after all. Although they deal with jerks sometimes, for the most part the guys who come in are really friendly and very giving. I'm sure Melissa was very satisfied with the big tip I left. I suppose there is no step back for feminism from this specific entrepreneurial standpoint, but the message that visual attractiveness is more important than soul and intellect is very much prominent for any women down the road. Still, besides all these thoughts I thought more than anything of getting another haircut. I'm not sure if I'll ever return. I still want to talk to Bethany, but my legitimate reasons for going are pretty used up. On a very bright side, my mom told me that it was the best haircut I'd gotten in years. (17jan04)

windex isn't done yet...